This post is probably the hardest one I've ever written. I still can't believe my grandma is gone. It all happened so fast and it was so unexpected and such a shock to lose her.
And yet, it is such a privilege to be able to write these words about my incredible Grandma. The fact that I have a lifetime of sweet memories with her is a tribute in itself to the kind of person that she was. For that I will always be grateful. Still, I can't believe she is gone, and I miss her more than words can say. 
(the last visit I had with Grandma, February 2nd, just over a month ago)
I saw her well and healthy for the last time, just the beginning of February. I had been back in Iowa to be a bridesmaid in a friends' wedding, and last minute I ended up being able to spend a few hours with Grandma and my brother and his wife. We had a lovely dinner and just a wonderful evening together. Grandma, as always, was asking about my kids and my health and our life, and getting me up to date on all the local and family happenings. Specifically I remembered her being so excited for the upcoming Bontrager family reunion that was being planned for June 2023. She loved family get-togethers and spending time with friends and family.
Just two weeks later on a Sunday morning I got a phone call that rocked my world. Grandma had a blockage in her colon that had gone undetected (in spite of recent ER visits and multiple tests) and by the time it was finally discovered late that Saturday night, it had ruptured and infection was spreading. In the early morning hours of Sunday, February 19th, the doctors said she likely only had 7-10 days to live, and she passed away on Tuesday evening the 21st, just three days later.
I left for Iowa on Monday morning the 20th and was able to spend time with Grandma in the hospital on Monday and Tuesday. Those last moments with her I will treasure always.
As I did when my grandpa Stoltzfus passed away, I wanted to write a post about Grandma Bontrager and share about the special woman she was to me. Here are a few of my memories of my grandma Bontrager....
Grandma was one of the friendliest people I’ve ever known. She loved meeting people and spending time with people. I think quality time was her love language, although words of affirmation were probably a close second. She had an extremely difficult childhood and life, one that was one of the hardest I've heard of, and yet I really saw her life as being one that had become "better, not bitter".
(summer 2019. my family was on tour but we had come to Iowa for another event so we stayed with Grandma and then went to church with her on Sunday. This visit is a very special memory for me!)
Grandma was a prayer warrior. If you've ever been to one of my family's concerts, then you've probably heard my dad share about his praying mother. She spent so much time in prayer. Not only did she pray her children through some very very rough years (not to mention basically raising them on her own after losing her own husband at a young age) but she prayed for all of her 42 grandchildren, by name, every single day. Yes, I know--we were so blessed!!
(visit from Grandma and my cousins, spring 2019)
A phone call with grandma helped me catch up on all the Iowa happenings, especially after I got married and moved away. She could tell me all the news, because she loved to find out about things and be in the know. I remember thinking she always knew about everything. She got the local paper and the Budget and in the last ten years she had her home phone and a cell phone. It wasn't unusual for her to answer one of those phones and ask you to hold a minute because she was wrapping up a call on the other line. =) Like I said, she was always in the know on things!
(grandma meeting Elliot, August 2020)
I’ll never forget that familiar habit of walking in to my grandmas house. She was nearly always either standing at the stove cooking, sitting at her peninsula looking at the mail, bending over her quilt frame quilting, or rocking and reading in the living room. It wasn't uncommon for her to also be on the phone in any of those given situations! =) I always remember her being thrilled to see me. She loved people stopping by.
A few years before I got married grandma finally told me, “I just wonder, Chelsy, do you think you might be too picky?” I'll never forget that conversation and it still makes me laugh because I could tell she had been wanting to ask me for a while and finally just couldn't resist. I assured her I wasn't too picky and that I just hadn't found anyone I really liked yet. =) I think my exact words were something like, "All the guys I know are great but there are none that really stand out to me, and you don't think I should marry one just for the sake of getting married, do you?" Grandma: "well noooo....but just make sure you aren't too picky!" =) I knew she always was hopeful for a good guy for me. When John visited the first time, I asked her if I could bring him up to meet her. She was VERY excited: "Of course, you bring him right up! I'm home!!" =) We sat at her kitchen table and ate pie and he told her her pumpkin pie was the best he’d ever had. As we left I remember thinking, “well if this doesn’t work out I think the person with the main broken heart is going to be grandma.” She was a big fan of him from day one. :)
(Grandma reading to the boys at our house, spring 2022)
Grandma visited us twice here in Kansas, after I was married. Those visits were huge honors to me, as I knew she specifically wanted to come to my house. I felt so special to be included in her travels! I remember her making a comment about me keeping a nice house, and that was one of the highest compliments I could've gotten from her, as housekeeping is a BIG DEAL to Amish/Mennonites, and I knew she did not give out that compliment to just anyone. I may not be Mennonite anymore but I sure do love those homemaking traits I've learned from my heritage!
During her last visit, we had talked a lot about the hospital where Grandma worked the year after her and grandpa were married. That same hospital happened to be the same one where Axton and Madeline were born, and where we lived the summer that Madeline was in the NICU. We were all curious as to how much had changed since Grandma's days of working there. Grandma didn't have time to go during that visit, but John and I told her that next time she came, we wanted to take her down there to drive around and see what all was the same or different from almost 70 years ago. We didn't know then that there wouldn't be a next time.
(This picture was taken the year Axton was born.
I don't remember the exact occasion but a number of us gals were having a meal at Grandmas)
I ate more food in Grandma's house than I could ever recount, and every single bite was ALWAYS delicious. When I was single, there were many times that I would swing by Grandmas house to pick something up, or drop something off, or do a project for her. I would often ask for a piece of bread. There literally was never a time I ever went to Grandmas that she did not have bread available! She was the QUEEN of homemade bread. It was a bit of a staple in her house! I remember standing by the counter slathering my bread with either butter or amish peanut butter while we chatted about anything and everything.
I got my love of cooking and food from my grandma. Up until last summer, when she decided to stop, she worked as a cook/host for the Kalona Historical Society making and serving "Amish dinners" to the tour groups that came through my family's home town. She served over 75,000 people in the years that she was a cook for the society. From the time I was an early teenager, until I got married, I worked for her serving and helping with many of those dinners. And for several years before that, I would babysit my aunt's kids while they helped serve. So I literally grew up around those tour groups and all that delicious food. I LOVED working for grandma. Being in her kitchen, involved in the hustle and bustle of big roasters and pots and pans full of steaming delicious food, is one of my fondest memories. And even though I'm actually an introvert, still, I'm a Bontrager, which means I do love people in a big way! I loved meeting thousands of people from all over the country (and the world!) and being a tiny part in their experience of a good home cooked meal. It was also a great opportunity to spend lots of time with grandma, and my aunts and cousins who worked for her as well.
(we had pie buffets like this at every big family holiday dinner)
I'll never forget the first time I cut the bread for a tour group dinner. Slicing the bread was a bit of a rite of passage and one that Grandma never handed off to someone too young. But my aunts said I was old enough so slice the bread and Grandma was busy with something else so I got the green light to try my hand at it. I remember Grandma inspecting it after I was done: "Pretty good. Maybe a bit on the thin side, but pretty good." =) There was a PERFECT size for bread slicing. =) I felt proud that I got "close" on my first try!!
I am not half the cook that grandma was and my pie still leaves MUCH to be desired, but if anything I cook is good, than I guess I can say I came by the skill honestly and that I had a very good teacher!
I'll end this post with a few of my favorite things that Grandma told me at different times, over the years:
The first was that she told me often how much she appreciated that I took time to spend with her. I learned a lot from grandma about the value of building relationships through quality time. She told me over and over again how much she loved that I spent time with her. I always told her, "Grandma, of course I want to spend time with you!!" It really meant the world to her when her children and grandchildren included her in things. My parents did an excellent job of involving her in so much of our family's lives, that it felt second nature to me to do the same thing even after I was married and had moved away. I loved being with her!
The second thing she told me more than once was, “Chelsy, you really got blessed with a very nice husband." =) (I agreed!) John loved her too and always made sure we had time in our Iowa visits to be with grandma. I know part of the reason my kids loved her so much was because they got to know her through visits and had relationships with her as well!
Third, and most importantly, Grandmas parting words to me on the phone, that last Sunday morning, were these: “Living for Jesus is the only thing that matters in this life. I love you." I'll never forget sitting on the floor around grandma at her 80th birthday and hearing her share her personal salvation testimony with all her grandchildren. Jesus was the most important thing to her. Witnessing her love and commitment to Him during her life, and her joy and peace on her deathbed, was truly incredible.
Grandma's obituary
