This is the story of the arrival of our little firstborn son, Axton John Maxwell. The details of his entrance into the world had unexpected developments and more trauma than we anticipated, but they were laced throughout with the grace and goodness of Jesus. God was so so good to us in protecting and watching over our little man. Truly we are so blessed...
Wednesday, January 23rd was my due date. I had a midwife appointment that day and my midwife confirmed what I was already thinking: "it's going to be awhile yet!". I had had not a single contraction (except a few Braxton Hicks back in December) and I was feeling quite energetic and normal. Thursday seemed like the perfect day to deep-clean the garage. (I had all the nesting feels going on!) That was the last real thing on my "do before baby comes" mental list, and once that was completed I felt like I was truly and really ready.
(Friday morning)
Friday, my sis in love Elissa had planned a birthday lunch + shopping out with me, since we both knew that most likely I could have the baby the week of my birthday. (which was the following week) Again, I felt great, and enjoyed walking around the outlet mall at the Legends and eating our favorite (Chipotle!) for lunch. We got home around 6pm and I excitedly dumped all of my purchases on my desk in the office and showed them off to John.
I left his office and five minutes later, my water broke. Apparently there is nothing like a full day of shopping to kick things in gear?!
We were so excited-finally, baby was on its way! Still, not a single contraction, but I knew they were surely soon to come, so I hurried around getting dinner, and we planned to head to Walmart right after for some snacks/etc for the weekend. As we drove into the parking lot, I had my first contraction. I didn't tell John about it because I wasn't positive that it WAS a contraction, but twenty minutes later I felt the exact same thing, only stronger, and I realized that this was the real deal!
Once we got home we headed to bed. By this point I had had several contractions, but they weren't very painful, and were spaced apart, and since I was fully expecting a long, drawn-out labor, we figured I'd get a good nights' sleep before everything really got going.
I think I must've slept on and off for the first two hours, but it really didn't feel like I slept at all. Contractions kept coming closer and closer together, and getting more and more painful. I have a very high pain tolerance so I was fine for awhile, but around midnight they started getting so intense that I was having to breathe heavily through them, and was having a hard time doing so quietly. I didn't want to wake John, so I slipped out of bed and went out to the couch in the living room. From there things really progressed, to the point that I was moaning so loudly that John woke up and came to see how I was doing. It was about 2am by this time. He got out his phone with the contraction timer app (I highly recommend it) and began timing my contractions.
4 minutes apart.
5 minutes apart.
2 minutes apart.
5 minutes apart.
2 minutes apart.
This definitely wasn't looking like the hours and hours of labor that I was anticipating. From everything we had heard and known, one needs to get moving with calling the midwife/heading to the hospital, when contractions get 3-5 minutes apart. I could hardly believe that my labor was progressing so quickly, but those contractions were close and just not slowing down, so it really appeared that labor was well underway.
As my labor continued throughout those wee hours of the morning, I kind of lost all sense of what was going on. John handled all the details-timing my contractions, coaching me through, and deciding when it was time to call the midwives. He called our doula in at 6am and she arrived an hour later. By 7:30am I was exhausted (I basically hadn't slept all night) and had that first tinge of "what in the wooooorld am I doing?!" (all you other moms know what I mean---it is that moment when you realize that you think there is NO WAY you can do this and there is also the very real understanding that there is literally no turning back, and it is QUITE the helpless feeling) John told me later that I also told him that "I can't do this!!" around this time. If only we had known what all was ahead yet!
The midwives came several hours later and when they checked me I was only dilated to 3cm, in spite of, by now, 6 hours of contractions 3-5 minutes apart. I had prepared myself for not being very far dilated, so that wasn't too discouraging; my main thing I kept thinking though was "if it is going so slow and I'm not further progressed, than why in the world are my contractions so close?!"
The rest of the day was honestly a blur. Time seemed to stand still as I labored through contractions all day long. I hung on to John for dear life and I don't think there was a single contraction that I went through without him right there. It may sound odd to some but it literally felt to me like we were laboring together. I felt emotionally knit to him, throughout that day, like nothing I have ever experienced before.
There was about an hour, over noon, when contractions slowed to every ten minutes, and we were able to get a little bit of sleep. (although I have to say that drifting asleep knowing that you will be awakened ten minutes later with excruciating pain, isn't very restful)
To spare this story from being thousands of words long...I will tell you that I was unable to keep anything down, was in and out of the birth pool, tried every position under the sun, walked up and down our street, and did allllll the things...and little man was still just not even close to coming. John was right by my side the entire time, holding the bucket, rubbing my back, holding my hands, and coaching me through the pushing. Even though I couldn't seem to keep anything down, he knew that I had to have something to keep up my strength, and so he kept trying to get me to eat different things. In the end the only thing I could keep down was some sparkling juice, which wasn't much, but provided just a little boost to help.
John also occasionally updated our families via text with updates of continued "no progress" and it was such a gift to have such an army of our loved ones praying for me. My mom and sisters-in-love texted encouragement and scripture, which John read to me at various times as I was laboring:
"Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith; Who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God."
Hebrews 12:2
"Delight thyself also in the Lord, and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass. Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him...."
Psalms37: 4-5, 7
"They that wait upon the Lord, He shall renew their strength..."
Isaiah 40:31a
"The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in Whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower."
Psalm 18:2
"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusteth in Thee."
Isaiah 26:3
My doula had also set up twinkle lights and had the diffuser running with my favorite oils, and John had set up a playlist of worship music. It was such a sweet environment to labor in and the verses and words from the music were such beautiful promises of God's faithfulness and nearness. In a way, it was so hard to process and think through the verses and lyrics, but little bits here and there would sink in and give so much peace. It also just combined to create such a time of beauty, in spite of the pain. Words can't describe but that atmosphere really just felt holy to me. We felt the Presence of Jesus surrounding us and carrying us along throughout the entire time.
By 5pm I was almost fully dilated and pushing. I proceeded to push for three hours and still no baby.
The midwives held a consultation in the other room to discuss options. I remember being so out of it that I thought " what is there to discuss?" I couldn't even think straight to process what happens if a baby just won't come...
They came back into the room and told us: "you are going to have to transport to the hospital to have this baby delivered safely." John immediately said "yes" and began preparing for the transition. I can't explain it, but there was such peace in the decision, and I actually remember feeling relieved. It could sound very strange, considering that we had really wanted a home birth, but by this point our only concern was delivering our baby safely. We knew that if that couldn't happen at home, but could potentially happen at the hospital, we wanted that.
Pieces started to fly as I dressed and John packed in 5 minutes flat. (John said in future we will ALWAYS pack a hospital bag just in case!)
It was dark and bitterly cold outside as John opened the door and half-carried me out. (Again, I'm just in awe of the unity we had, and the incredible experience God gave us. I'm literally getting teary-eyed just remembering as I write this!) It was such a scary moment, in some ways, as we still had so many unknowns ahead of us. It seemed as though time was standing still as John helped me into the backseat of the truck. I laid with my head on my midwife's lap and I pushed almost the whole way to the hospital, although I tried SO HARD not to. I was so afraid I was gonna deliver my baby in the backseat of the truck! I remember crying out in fear and pain, and telling John that I just couldn't keep myself from pushing, and John telling me that it was okay, and that everything was going to be alright. I have no idea how he stayed so sane and calm, but that was my lifeline, to be holding his hand, and hear his voice speaking encouragement to me. That drive was terrible and beautiful, all wrapped into one, and I think I will remember it for the rest of my life! John drove safe but FAST and we made the 45 minute drive in...significantly less.
The staff was ready and waiting when we arrived. I couldn't focus on anything, but John and my midwife were on top of all the details and I didn't have to take care of a thing. We flew up to the delivery room (me in a wheelchair) and everything was ready to go. Within a mere matter of minutes, I was changed and prepped and was pushing again. (actually, I don't think I ever really stopped pushing during all that)
The room became a beehive of activity. I didn't realize it until John told me later, but with Axton's heart rate dropping, the NICU team was lined in the room/hallway, on call for the very real possibility of extreme complications. The room was full of doctors, nurses, and NICU staff, but all I knew was that I was GOING to get this child born. Just a few pushes in, and the doctor said she needed to use vacuum suction, and asked if that was okay. Obviously it was not our preference, but I looked at John and my midwife (who knew exactly what we wanted and is very naturally minded) and when she said "yes, this has to happen", then it was a YES for us. It was quite the process and one I wouldn't wish on anybody; John said afterwards it looked like I gave birth twice, and it certainly felt that way. I was completely focused on pushing and I remember thinking (in my very foggy mind) that watching the vacuum process would most likely not benefit me anything, and that it was best for me to just look UP and push. After trying that to no avail, the doctor told us, "I never do this, but we really need to do an episiotomy." Again, I didn't care-I just looked at John and knew I was at peace with whatever he said; I didn't even have the ability to think through what I wanted other than OUR BABY.
I remember at the very end, after one of my ten-second pushes, the doctor said "and done" to encourage me for a several second break before going again, and I said "No! I'm going again!" and her and the nurses said, "OH! Okay! Well that's great, then let's go!" I have to say that those last minutes were only Jesus, because I have NO CLUE how I powered through pushing over and over again for the last batch of pushes with no break. Humanly speaking, I was way too exhausted for it, but it was like every fiber of my being came together in the most powerful surge of energy to BIRTH THIS BABY.
The moment when he finally shot out was the most incredible and beautiful thing I have ever experienced. Literally, the joining of the most painful moment of the actual delivery, directly to the most exhilarating moment of having my son on my chest. Words simply cannot describe. I thought my heart would burst. What glory.
Our birth team was so incredible. I didn't even get to meet all of the many people (nurses etc) who assisted our little one into the world, but I am deeply grateful for each of them. We are pictured above with two of my three midwives (the third was at another birth) and my doula. They were all absolutely amazing and I cannot imagine a more perfect team. Unfortunately only one of my midwives was able to come with us into the hospital room for the birth, but all three of these women assisted us all day long during the labor, and even though the circumstances did not allow for them to do the typical delivery that they usually do, I still think of them as being the birth team for Axton's birth. We did not get pictures of the doctor and nurses who delivered Axton but they were truly amazing in every way and I am beyond grateful for the medical intervention and tools that helped our little man enter the world safely.
Our baby. The miracle of life. The perfect blending of two people into a tiny little human.
I counted his fingers and toes. I kissed his soft little checks. I cuddled his tiny little form, and then my heart burst all over again as I watched his daddy do the same. (You think you love your husband, and then you watch him with your newborn, and you fall in love alllll over again)
I've heard many women say before that "I could never have done it without my husband". And those sentiments could not be more true. John was literally the most amazing support I could have ever imagined. He was by my side throughout the entire labor and words just really cannot describe how steadfast and confidant he was. I felt like he was in labor WITH me, that is how unified we were. I am the most blessed woman in the world to have him!
First picture as a family of THREE!
I left his office and five minutes later, my water broke. Apparently there is nothing like a full day of shopping to kick things in gear?!
(last "normal" pregnancy picture I snapped right before we left for Walmart)
Once we got home we headed to bed. By this point I had had several contractions, but they weren't very painful, and were spaced apart, and since I was fully expecting a long, drawn-out labor, we figured I'd get a good nights' sleep before everything really got going.
I think I must've slept on and off for the first two hours, but it really didn't feel like I slept at all. Contractions kept coming closer and closer together, and getting more and more painful. I have a very high pain tolerance so I was fine for awhile, but around midnight they started getting so intense that I was having to breathe heavily through them, and was having a hard time doing so quietly. I didn't want to wake John, so I slipped out of bed and went out to the couch in the living room. From there things really progressed, to the point that I was moaning so loudly that John woke up and came to see how I was doing. It was about 2am by this time. He got out his phone with the contraction timer app (I highly recommend it) and began timing my contractions.
4 minutes apart.
5 minutes apart.
2 minutes apart.
5 minutes apart.
2 minutes apart.
This definitely wasn't looking like the hours and hours of labor that I was anticipating. From everything we had heard and known, one needs to get moving with calling the midwife/heading to the hospital, when contractions get 3-5 minutes apart. I could hardly believe that my labor was progressing so quickly, but those contractions were close and just not slowing down, so it really appeared that labor was well underway.
As my labor continued throughout those wee hours of the morning, I kind of lost all sense of what was going on. John handled all the details-timing my contractions, coaching me through, and deciding when it was time to call the midwives. He called our doula in at 6am and she arrived an hour later. By 7:30am I was exhausted (I basically hadn't slept all night) and had that first tinge of "what in the wooooorld am I doing?!" (all you other moms know what I mean---it is that moment when you realize that you think there is NO WAY you can do this and there is also the very real understanding that there is literally no turning back, and it is QUITE the helpless feeling) John told me later that I also told him that "I can't do this!!" around this time. If only we had known what all was ahead yet!
The midwives came several hours later and when they checked me I was only dilated to 3cm, in spite of, by now, 6 hours of contractions 3-5 minutes apart. I had prepared myself for not being very far dilated, so that wasn't too discouraging; my main thing I kept thinking though was "if it is going so slow and I'm not further progressed, than why in the world are my contractions so close?!"
The rest of the day was honestly a blur. Time seemed to stand still as I labored through contractions all day long. I hung on to John for dear life and I don't think there was a single contraction that I went through without him right there. It may sound odd to some but it literally felt to me like we were laboring together. I felt emotionally knit to him, throughout that day, like nothing I have ever experienced before.
There was about an hour, over noon, when contractions slowed to every ten minutes, and we were able to get a little bit of sleep. (although I have to say that drifting asleep knowing that you will be awakened ten minutes later with excruciating pain, isn't very restful)
(this is one of my favorite photos that our doula took-a perfect depiction of the closeness and unity we felt throughout the labor. Every minute of it was together, as a team, working toward the GOAL of birthing this baby!)
John also occasionally updated our families via text with updates of continued "no progress" and it was such a gift to have such an army of our loved ones praying for me. My mom and sisters-in-love texted encouragement and scripture, which John read to me at various times as I was laboring:
"Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith; Who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God."
Hebrews 12:2
"Delight thyself also in the Lord, and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass. Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him...."
Psalms37: 4-5, 7
"They that wait upon the Lord, He shall renew their strength..."
Isaiah 40:31a
"The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in Whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower."
Psalm 18:2
Isaiah 26:3
My doula had also set up twinkle lights and had the diffuser running with my favorite oils, and John had set up a playlist of worship music. It was such a sweet environment to labor in and the verses and words from the music were such beautiful promises of God's faithfulness and nearness. In a way, it was so hard to process and think through the verses and lyrics, but little bits here and there would sink in and give so much peace. It also just combined to create such a time of beauty, in spite of the pain. Words can't describe but that atmosphere really just felt holy to me. We felt the Presence of Jesus surrounding us and carrying us along throughout the entire time.
By 5pm I was almost fully dilated and pushing. I proceeded to push for three hours and still no baby.
The midwives held a consultation in the other room to discuss options. I remember being so out of it that I thought " what is there to discuss?" I couldn't even think straight to process what happens if a baby just won't come...
They came back into the room and told us: "you are going to have to transport to the hospital to have this baby delivered safely." John immediately said "yes" and began preparing for the transition. I can't explain it, but there was such peace in the decision, and I actually remember feeling relieved. It could sound very strange, considering that we had really wanted a home birth, but by this point our only concern was delivering our baby safely. We knew that if that couldn't happen at home, but could potentially happen at the hospital, we wanted that.
Pieces started to fly as I dressed and John packed in 5 minutes flat. (John said in future we will ALWAYS pack a hospital bag just in case!)
It was dark and bitterly cold outside as John opened the door and half-carried me out. (Again, I'm just in awe of the unity we had, and the incredible experience God gave us. I'm literally getting teary-eyed just remembering as I write this!) It was such a scary moment, in some ways, as we still had so many unknowns ahead of us. It seemed as though time was standing still as John helped me into the backseat of the truck. I laid with my head on my midwife's lap and I pushed almost the whole way to the hospital, although I tried SO HARD not to. I was so afraid I was gonna deliver my baby in the backseat of the truck! I remember crying out in fear and pain, and telling John that I just couldn't keep myself from pushing, and John telling me that it was okay, and that everything was going to be alright. I have no idea how he stayed so sane and calm, but that was my lifeline, to be holding his hand, and hear his voice speaking encouragement to me. That drive was terrible and beautiful, all wrapped into one, and I think I will remember it for the rest of my life! John drove safe but FAST and we made the 45 minute drive in...significantly less.
The staff was ready and waiting when we arrived. I couldn't focus on anything, but John and my midwife were on top of all the details and I didn't have to take care of a thing. We flew up to the delivery room (me in a wheelchair) and everything was ready to go. Within a mere matter of minutes, I was changed and prepped and was pushing again. (actually, I don't think I ever really stopped pushing during all that)
The room became a beehive of activity. I didn't realize it until John told me later, but with Axton's heart rate dropping, the NICU team was lined in the room/hallway, on call for the very real possibility of extreme complications. The room was full of doctors, nurses, and NICU staff, but all I knew was that I was GOING to get this child born. Just a few pushes in, and the doctor said she needed to use vacuum suction, and asked if that was okay. Obviously it was not our preference, but I looked at John and my midwife (who knew exactly what we wanted and is very naturally minded) and when she said "yes, this has to happen", then it was a YES for us. It was quite the process and one I wouldn't wish on anybody; John said afterwards it looked like I gave birth twice, and it certainly felt that way. I was completely focused on pushing and I remember thinking (in my very foggy mind) that watching the vacuum process would most likely not benefit me anything, and that it was best for me to just look UP and push. After trying that to no avail, the doctor told us, "I never do this, but we really need to do an episiotomy." Again, I didn't care-I just looked at John and knew I was at peace with whatever he said; I didn't even have the ability to think through what I wanted other than OUR BABY.
I remember at the very end, after one of my ten-second pushes, the doctor said "and done" to encourage me for a several second break before going again, and I said "No! I'm going again!" and her and the nurses said, "OH! Okay! Well that's great, then let's go!" I have to say that those last minutes were only Jesus, because I have NO CLUE how I powered through pushing over and over again for the last batch of pushes with no break. Humanly speaking, I was way too exhausted for it, but it was like every fiber of my being came together in the most powerful surge of energy to BIRTH THIS BABY.
The moment when he finally shot out was the most incredible and beautiful thing I have ever experienced. Literally, the joining of the most painful moment of the actual delivery, directly to the most exhilarating moment of having my son on my chest. Words simply cannot describe. I thought my heart would burst. What glory.
Our birth team was so incredible. I didn't even get to meet all of the many people (nurses etc) who assisted our little one into the world, but I am deeply grateful for each of them. We are pictured above with two of my three midwives (the third was at another birth) and my doula. They were all absolutely amazing and I cannot imagine a more perfect team. Unfortunately only one of my midwives was able to come with us into the hospital room for the birth, but all three of these women assisted us all day long during the labor, and even though the circumstances did not allow for them to do the typical delivery that they usually do, I still think of them as being the birth team for Axton's birth. We did not get pictures of the doctor and nurses who delivered Axton but they were truly amazing in every way and I am beyond grateful for the medical intervention and tools that helped our little man enter the world safely.
Our baby. The miracle of life. The perfect blending of two people into a tiny little human.
I've heard many women say before that "I could never have done it without my husband". And those sentiments could not be more true. John was literally the most amazing support I could have ever imagined. He was by my side throughout the entire labor and words just really cannot describe how steadfast and confidant he was. I felt like he was in labor WITH me, that is how unified we were. I am the most blessed woman in the world to have him!
So.much.joy.
Axton was wide eyed from the start-so curious about the big new world and all the adventures just waiting for him to discover.
First picture as a family of THREE!
Our baby, our Axton John Maxwell, was finally here!
And that's the story of his little grand entrance into the world!
-Chels
