Saturday, February 14, 2015

Single + Satisfied



This post has been on my heart for years. I'm burdened by the amount of girls in our typical Christian culture today who are missing out on the joy of life because they are pining. Finally I have compiled my thoughts and some biblical principles on this and am here to share them with you. I'm not even close to perfect and I definitely don't have life figured out. I'm as human as anyone else and have so many struggles and challenges, every day. But there's something God has been showing me during my single years thus far, and I want to share it with you today.

Starting with the fact that I am twenty-four. I am single. And I love it. 

If you would have told me ten years ago that I would be single at age twenty-four, I would've laughed at you. Me? Single at twenty-four? Seriously now. Nobody in their right mind would be single at twenty-four. 

You see, I was very wise when I was thirteen. I had my life planned out. Sure, there were some unknowns. But this marriage thing? Oh, I had that down. I was confident; I knew how it would work. And since everything always works out like you think it should when you are thirteen...well, then. 

I knew that I would be married at eighteen. Ah, that magical number. SO mature. Eighteen was that PERFECT age when life would really begin. I would marry a boy who was nineteen, just because that sounded right.
(Liesl + Ralph from "the Sound of Music" were my role models. =))

If, for some unforseable reason, there were problems (problems? At eighteen?), I would maybe miss marriage at eighteen, and then I would be stuck with getting married at nineteen. Which would be way old, but hey...it would work. By twenty-four I planned to have at least three babies, and I would be well on my way to being the mother of the world's next largest family.

Don't laugh. Please, don’t laugh. I would have been SO offended. =)

Obviously, life changed as I got older. I learned things. I think maybe I also decreased in wisdom. Sometimes I feel like I was much wiser when I was thirteen than I am now. Or maybe I just thought I was wise. Yes, I think that's more like it. I had all these "ideals", but no experience to go along with them!

But as I got older, things were more complicated. Things weren't so cut and dried. I learned that you don't just automatically turn eighteen and get married. Some people do. But some people don't.

And you know what? Contrary to what I thought back when I was thirteen...it is okay. In fact, if its not God's plan for you to get married when you're eighteen, than it's absolutely wonderful to be single!

Ten years later, I have learned a few things. I'm still learning, every day. Life is such a school of learning. But there are a few basic principles that go along with this whole idea of being satisfied during singleness.

Before even starting, let me say that I don't like the label "single". In fact, I really dislike it. I don't think of myself as single. When I think of single, I think of someone who is alone. And I am so not alone. I have Jesus, most importantly, and secondly I have one of the biggest and definitely the awesomest family in the whole world. Besides all that, I have hundreds upon hundreds of friends + extended family who make my life so full + rich.
But in this post, I use the word "single" because that is what most people are thinking of when they think of someone who isn't married. So I use it, not because I'm a fan of the term, but to better identify and make myself clear.

Moving on...

God has a different plan for every person. There is not a formula with this whole getting married thing. It is different for everyone. Everyone. For some girls, God's perfect timing is when they are seventeen and Mr. Right comes along. For other girls, no one comes along til they are twenty-five and then boom-it is Mr. Right and it all happens very fast. Then for other girls, there are a whole row of guys who think they (the guy) are her Mr. Right but it isn't actually Mr. Right until quite a while later in life. For still other girls, they meet someone and know right away that he is “the one” and they get married. For yet others, love comes softly...very softly. And sometimes, girls get stars in their eyes and don't act logically. Some girls lower their standards and give themselves away to the first guy who acts interested just because they want to get married that badly. Other girls are convinced they are such an epic catch that there are too good for everyone and anyone and they won’t give any guy a chance. There is every kind of situation out there. 

In the midst of all of these different scenarios....if you think marriage is the ultimate goal for your life, you are wrong wrong wrong. If you think being married will make you more mature, or more godly, or more whatever, you are wrong. And if you think marriage will give you that dream life that you’ve been longing for, you are also wrong.

I know there are probably married critics who would say I have no business saying this about marriage, because I am single, not married, so how would I know what it's even like to be married? 

True. I don't know what it's like. But this I do know. One can learn a lot from observation. I have spoken with many married women. Most of my closest friends are married women. I have attended weddings of more friends and relatives than I can count. I have watched, and observed, and listened, and observed some more.

And this is what I have found.

Marriage doesn't solve anything. (light bulb moment, haha! hopefully y'all already knew that!) Nothing will solve your problems but Jesus. Nothing will truly satisfy but Jesus. If you are waiting for a man to come along and sweep you off your feet and take away every worry + trouble that ever bothered you, you are wasting your time, because it won't happen like that.

At the risk of sounding feminist, I give you this quote:

"The smartest thing a women can ever learn, is to never need a man."

Obviously, I'm not a feminist. 
But this general principle? Yes. Oh, yes. The smartest thing you can learn is that all you "need" for happiness is Jesus.

Now, a wonderful man might come along, and might sweet you off your feet, and you might think he is perfect. You might think life is finally going to really + truly happen for you, and that with your marriage your problems will all wash away.

But you know what?

If you haven't learned before marriage to be content in whatsoever state you are in...well then, my friend, I promise you that you will not be content once you are in the marriage state of things, either. That isn’t my opinion-it's what God says. 

"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." -Philippians 4:11

 Contentment only lies in Him-not in a person, or possessions, or circumstances. If you’re looking to be satisfied in something else you won’t be finding it until you come back to Jesus.

I've seen a lot of people get married. I've observed more relationships + marriages than I could count. I have counseled with girls who are going crazy just to get married. I have seen the tears, and heard the cries, of women who just want to be loved by a man, their own man. And just to be honest here, I'm getting really tired of the whining and the drama. After listening to a particularly ridiculous lament from a single young woman the other day, I told my sister that if I hear one more girl complaining about her "single status" I just might say something "quite sharp and sarcastic". (yes, I digress-sorry to quote Cranford in a post about singleness but I felt Miss Poole's words fit perfectly there =))

It is so sad, but there is a pattern. And I will share it with you. Every single time I have seen a girl like this get married (a girl who was "pining", and not truly content and living in joyful + radiant singleness) the forecoming future is so predictable. It plays out the same every time. 
EVERY TIME. Without exception.

Finally, “the one” has come along, and she is giddy. Thrilled! Obsessed! She is totally wrapped up in her new man, because he is the one she has waited for to come and save her out of her distress of singleness. And now he is finally here, and life is perfect.

 You've seen this type-she is literally in some sort of bubble all through her relationship. All that matters is that she has found a man. And she just "knows" that now life will truly begin.

 She gets married. They go on their honeymoon. They get home from the honeymoon. And every.single.time, I can guarantee you, give her 2 months max....and she will be wailing about her new set of problems.  The lack of finances, or her social status, or the new community she lives in, or her husband's weird habits that she can't get used to, or her awful in-laws, or something. But there will always be something wrong. I've seen it happen over and over again. And it always happens this way. Why? Because she wasn't satisfied before she got married.

"Happiness is an inside job. Don't assign anyone else that much power over your life."

It never ceases to amaze me how these girls think that men will solve all their troubles. What an injustice to men-to raise them up on a pedestal of perfection like that. Men are just as human as you are, dear girl. And they definitely can't solve your issues. Goodness, no.
Truth be told, more often than not, men just add issues to your life. 
(I'm not slighting men here at all, just stating the facts. Your life will be simpler before men enter it!)

At this point I can just hear all of you married ladies rising up in all your matrimonial glory and saying “Life will be more wonderful after your man enters it!” 
Well, I'll try to trust your experience that it will be grand, although I still think my life is pretty great as it is. =) But the point still remains that life will be more complicated. You will have things to deal with that you didn't have to think about before.

All this said. I am not downplaying marriage at all. If you are reading this with an open heart, than I think you will see + understand that. God instituted marriage from the very beginning + when the time is right and you know He has brought the right one, than go for it because then it will be His plan for you! 

If you are currently "single"? Then embrace this season. Enjoy it. THANK JESUS for it. It is a beautiful season of life that He has given you and He desires you to live it whole-heartedly for Him.

Be satisfied in your singleness! If you are struggling, ask Him for grace. His love is more than sufficient to supply your every need. He knows what is best for you. He knows if you should be married at eighteen, or twenty-eight, or whatever age. 

(And for a little encouragement: there is still a remnant of radiantly satisfied women who are twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five, forty..and all ages in between. Some are married, some are not. But they have something in common, and that is that they didn't find their fulfillment in a man. They found it in Jesus. I know women like these and Jesus just shines all over them. The ones that got married have some of the most beautiful marriages I've ever seen. And the ones that are still "single" live some of the most beautiful lives of joy and contentment imaginable)

Jesus wants you + I to live for HIM, not to live for marriage. He wants us to find the deepest desires of our hearts fulfilled in Him, not in a husband.

Is it hard for you to read this? Do you feel like you are going to have to give up your current mentality and dreams in order to choose to be satisfied? Just do it, please---the best way is always worth it no matter what difficulties stand in the way. 

I leave you with these words of wisdom from one of my modern-day heroes of the faith:

"Whenever you surrender the most precious areas of your life to God, it is like trading in a pile of worthless pebbles for a truckload of priceless jewels."
{Leslie Ludy}

Choose satisfied, dear friend. Its the best way, everyday, no matter what season of life you are in.

                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do you agree? Disagree? Have additional thoughts? That's what the comment box is for! I'd love to see this post turned into a discussion of different readers, single or married, giving their thoughts + discussing different things that the Lord has revealed to them.
Seriously, it would be a huge blessing to me if y'all, as readers, would participate here in the discussion, so that we can grow together! All the effort put into posts is totally worth it if it blesses or challenges someone, and the only way I’ll know if it did that for you is if you tell me so

Oh. And Happy Valentines Day. =)
-Chels

197 comments:

  1. Hi Chels! I loved this post so much! I completely agree with you, like 100%! ;)

    Thanks so much for your time! I loved reading your thoughts on both then and now. And your references were epic! :)

    xo,
    Cassie
    the Elder Sister & Writer

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  2. Hello Chelsy. Happy Valentine's Day. I agree with what you have said. I am currently 23 and attending college and I am loving the status of life that I am in. Being single can be a blessing and not a bad thing as some may make it out to be. Some people can serve God and others better while they are single than if they were married. I am satisfied with where I am in life and I would not trade it for anything in the world.
    Something I find my self struggling with though is when I see ladies my age getting married and having children and I get disappointed and think, "when will it be my turn?" I need to remember that I need to let God control the area of marriage and children and let them come about in his timing and not feel like he is late according to my own timeline as you have said Chelsy about you being married by a certain age. I am in a discipleship group with girls at my school and I love how one girl said that if we put God first in our lives, everything else will fall into place.
    Thanks again chelsy for you post.
    Jennifer

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    1. Thanks for your comment! I love too that thought- "if we put God first in our lives, everything else will fall into place." SO TRUE.

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  3. 1 Corinthians 7:29-40 - But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none;
    And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not;
    And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away.
    But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
    But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
    There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
    And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.
    But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry.
    Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well.
    So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.
    The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.
    But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.

    Proverbs 8:22 - Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

    1 Timothy 5:14 - I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

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  4. Chelsy,
    Thank you for doing this post! It was so helpful and eye-opening. Even as a young teenage girl, this really helped me too as you talked about having expectations about your future that didn't match reality. I know I struggle with creating expectations that very likely won't come true. Thank you for having this blog and steadily blogging! Your posts are so encouraging! I look up to you as one of my role models!
    I love you,
    Abigail

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    1. Aww, you're welcome-thanks for the kind words!

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  5. Chelsy, I love this post!! I always love to hear other people's thoughts on this subject, and I agree with you 100% on this. It's always great to be reminded to live a satisfied life whether you are single or in a relationship. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!! This post was so encouraging to me today!!
    Happy Valentines Day!!
    ~Allison :)

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    1. So thankful that the Lord used it to bless you!

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  6. SO good to hear your heart on this, Chels! You are so right that marriage won't solve every issue, or suddenly "make content" a girl who has never learned contentment.

    Two questions come to mind:

    1. Is there a difference between being content (Phil 4) and being satisfied ("to put an end to a need")? Does God wire us to need a spouse? Could the Bride of Christ say to God, I am satisfied without you, I don't need you? Or should she say, I am content in this state, I am preparing for you, and I look forward to your coming for me!
    2. Could you help us understand why God said it was not good for Adam to be alone (single)? Adam had a closeness with Jesus/God that was amazing. He could talk with God personally as a best friend, walk with Him in the garden, ask Him questions and get direct immediate answers, and have God solve his problems. God gave him meaningful, joyful work as a single and God was his best friend and confidant. Yet God said it was not good: Adam needed something; Adam needed a spouse. So why did God say that it was not good for Adam to be alone?

    Your fellow non-piner, :)

    Emily (www.artisanemily.blogspot.com)

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    1. I don't claim to have all the answers, but I'll give you my thoughts on these questions!
      1. I do believe that God "wires" us as women to be a helpmeet. But I still don't think that means we truly "need" or deserve anything but Him. Our purpose on earth is to honor and glorify Him by fulfilling the great commission and living lives sold out to Jesus. Often as women, WITHIN THAT CALLING, He calls us to marriage.
      2. God said it wasn't good for Adam to be alone because it wasn't good for ADAM to be alone. =) There was definitely a reason God said that. For most, it isn't good for them to be alone for their whole life.
      I asked one of my brothers about this, and he said "I don't think it is good for me to be alone much longer, either. But getting married is not the chief end of man. The chief end of man is to live for God."
      "Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: fear God, and keep
      His commandments: for this is the whole duty of man." Ecclesiastes 12:13

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    2. God didn't say that it was not good for Adam to be alone but he said that it was not good for MAN to be alone. The root word for man is human beings. The impression I have gotten is not so much in the realm of fulfilling physical social needs but also someone who is able to help him finish another reason why she is called a helpmate. Adam never saw a woman, all he knew was all that he saw in the animals & even the God head. But that want he must have had is a friend like him. To communicate, to work with and to share the joys of LORD with.

      If you look at the account carefully, Adam never asked for a helpmate so how did he got one? Didn't the Bible said You have not because you ask not? True but it also is said "Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God & His Righteousness" and what shall be added unto you? ALL. I believe Adam had a mindset just like Christ that whatever is the fathers will "thy will be done".

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  7. :) I can just 'hear' you say this stuff. Way to be passionate! Btw, I am one incredibly blessed woman because I am married to one incredible man. (but you already knew that, Chels)....but about the time our marriage struggles is the time I realize I am looking to my husband to fulfill the needs in my heart that only Jesus can fill.

    Wait for Mr. Right. It's so worth it. And please, get busy waiting. :) I love seeing single girls throwing their heart and talents into serving Jesus!

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    1. You are one of the role models of mine that I talked about at the end of this post. =) Thank-you so much for your example...when I'm married someday I want to be just like you! (or rather, I want to be like I see Jesus in you + your beautiful marriage!)
      Hugs!

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  8. Chels...
    Wow. I needed this post. I totally agree with you...it's just hard to accept the facts sometimes:) I have struggled with this EXACT issue a lot and have thought/said some of the exact things that you said(having a "timeline" for your life, etc.) Thank you SO much for this post-I really needed that reminder. Sometime love is tough. And I thank you for it!

    I will say that the more I spend time with the Lord, and dig deeper into His precious word, the more I realize that I need to cherish the time I have now, in my 16th, almost 17th:) year of life, not my 19th year(this happens to be "my age" of choice:)...but I know that I need to surrender this area of my life to the Lord!) And you know what? The more I run after Jesus, the less I let myself get carried away with dreams! And the more I run after Jesus, the more satisfied I am with being where I am in my life!

    Thank you, Chels, for this post. This is probably one of my most favorite of your posts. Thank you for being a wonderful friend to me! I really appreciate it!
    Love,
    Rachael

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    1. Aww thanks...you are too sweet! Praise the Lord if this could encourage you!

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  9. Good post! As a 31-almost-32 year old, I am thankful to see this perspective. I grew up around many of the "waiting for Prince Charming" girls, and I saw them disillusioned after marriage because they had completely pinned their hopes on finding the perfect guy. Instead, they discovered that they had married a sinner like themselves and many of them had a hard road until they discovered satisfaction in Christ alone. The single years are full of opportunities and growth especially if Christ is the focus. Whenever I am tempted to run ahead of God and try to figure out how/if/when marriage will be in my future, God always reminds me of two things: first, that when Abraham and Sarah tried to work things out in their own strength, they ended up with an Ishmael instead of an Isaac, and secondly, when God gave the Israelites what they desired, it also resulted in leanness of their souls. It is always better to wait for God's best in God's timing! So, thank you for your timely post! God bless!
    Toni

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  10. thanks for this article! i love the reminder to find our contentment and satisfaction in Jesus instead of another person or the dreams we have for ourselves.

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  11. Is it possible to make a mistake and choose the wrong one? If so, how do you recover from that? Are you still single because your standards are so high? In some ways you sound as if you have a problem with men. Has something happen in your life that has caused you to refrain from connecting with or being with a man?

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    1. Wow, loaded questions here. =)
      I'm not sure about recovering from a mistake if you choose the wrong one; I don't have experience with that. Are you talking about recovering from a mistake in a relationship or in marriage? Once you're married to someone than there's no looking back or second chances of "trying again". And I wouldn't know about recovering in a relationship because I've never been in one. Any other readers who have experience in this want to throw in their thoughts?
      Am I still single because my standards are so high? Some people would say so. But I don't go by what people think. I tell people that I'm still "single" because
      I clearly know that God hasn't brought me my husband yet.
      I understand your comment is a serious one and I appreciate it but I couldn't help laughing over your last question at the end of your comment..... =) As I said at the end of this post, the goal of this post was not to slight marriage, or men, for that matter. I haven't been "burned" in a relationship, and I am not bitter or angry at any men. This post was no written with the intent of slighting or criticizing men. The point was to give a wake-up call to women, and I just mentioned men because they happen to be related to the subject. =)
      Saying that they make life more complicated...I'd say any woman over the age of 15 would agree with me on that. =) And no, nothing has happened to make me refrain from connecting with men. I have many godly guy friends who I enjoy being with, and whom I look up to + admire.

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    2. Hmmm...So if I married a guy and it turned out he was creep or a psycho or an abuser or something, divorce would not be an option? So in other words mistakes can't be made, it's a one shot deal and you get what you get lol. Well that's good to know and perhaps information that should be given out very early on in life. I guess if you have the right family and the right teaching at a young age life can be more of a fairy tail.

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    3. On your last statement here:) Yes, I completely agree that men make life more complicated-they certainly think differently then us ladies! And my brothers aren't even grown up yet-the oldest one is all of 8 1/2 years:) But I think that is a good thing-different people make life more interesting! Both men and women are a part of the body of Christ, and we should learn to relate to one another in a healthy and Godly manner, whether in a relationship/marriage, or friendship, or observation, or whatever=) I'd love to hear anything else you have about this!

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    4. Oh...and you know what? That skit you, Alli, Joshua, and Carson did at family camp would really go well with the whole guy/girl complications theme...=)

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    5. I'm glad you found my comment amusing

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    6. Anonymous..
      Please don't misunderstand me-I take the comments very seriously and it was only that last phrase that struck me as funny. Please don't be offended.
      About your second comment...listen, I don't claim to have it all together and I definitely don't have a perfect life. Please please hear my heart on this. Its just that I firmly believe that if as INDIVIDUALS we are in tune with the Holy Spirit and follow His guidance + His principles in our relationships, then yes, I believe things will "work out". I can't tell you how many stories I have heard of Christian girls who have gotten married and the whole thing has fallen apart because, as you said, the guy left her/was unfaithful/abusive/you fill in the blank. Just had several situations lately when people were telling us their stories of situations like this happening, and they told us that there had been "red flags" along the way but that for whatever reason they choose to ignore them and go ahead with the marriage. There's so much heartbreak in this world. And if we go with our own plan and ignore the promptings + warnings of the Holy Spirit..then there will definitely be consequences that will follow.
      I'm young, I'm not perfect, I've never been married. But I firmly believe that if I follow God's plan and His Word He will bring a godly man who will be a faithful leader + a man of God.

      Rachael...yes, I really wish we had filmed that skit. =) We've been asked to share our talk + skit at a conference in April-not sure if we are going or not but if we do I will be sure to get someone to video it!

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    7. That's sounds great=) To be honest, your talk + skit was some of the most encouraging advice I've heard on that subject. Plus the humor added to it immensely=) Just curious...is the conference you mentioned the ATI conference in Big Sandy?

      And to the Anonymous comment, yes, if you devote your life to running after Jesus, He will lead you through His word and through the Holy Spirit's promptings. If you just have a "feeling" like something isn't quite right, you need to do some soul searching and prayer...God will give you guidance! Ignoring the Holy Spirit's promptings can lead to some serious problems. Like Chels, though, I'm very young(younger than her by several years...:) and nowhere near perfect. I don't claim to have it all together... But God's grace covers us, for which I am VERY thankful!

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    8. So those women are out of luck as far as ever being happy with a man? After all you did tell anonymous "Once you're married to someone than there's no looking back or second chances of "trying again". Search your own heart on that topic anonymous because this kid don't have a clue, she is the one living in the bubble. We are all human, if we were to live so careful to never make mistakes then why would got sent his only son to die for our sins? Don't take that as in go out and commit sin because it will be forgiven, but don't think because you made a mistake before reading this perfect angels advice that you don't have a second chance at finding your true love. Don't by into these celebrities,you have to have your own personal relationship with God. And if you make a mistake that's between you and God, if you can't fit into there little world so what! It's you and God in this race, not you and the celebrities that are trying to sell you CDs. And this godly stuff she is talking about. Show me a godly man or woman. To be godly is too be God like. God is without sin and Chelsy is not without sin she has proven that to me already. And if she thinks she's going to find a god like man, she better start climbing Mount Olympus. And one more thing. Sign your name at the bottom of your comments, don't be afraid to tell her who you are. She's just a kid that has yet to live life, no need to be afraid. I'll add you to my prayer list good luck anonymous.
      -Todd

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    9. I never claimed to be without sin. And I say all the time that I'm imperfect and do not claim at all to have it all together. Listen, I basically said in my comment that I'm (as you put it) "A kid who doesn't have a clue". I told y'all I don't have experience in relationships. All I have is God's Word. My post wasn't even about relationships. I feel like we've drifted way off topic here.
      I'm not trying to shut down the discussion, but I'm not sure its going to do anyone any good to keep this thread going. Its turning into a discussion of something totally different than what I posted about, and I'm not sure how its going to help anyone. So I'm not going to be posting anymore comments on this thread. Thanks for understanding!

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    10. Thanks Todd I understand what both of you are saying. I may not agree with Chelsy's commit on no second chances but I respect her opinion. I also respect yours too. But it was just a question and I didn't mean to start anything, I did get a little offended and made the remark about living in a fairy tale and I'm sorry chelsy I didn't mean to start trouble. My mom and dad have been having trouble and they say that they are not right for each other and i don't know what to make of it, so i just wanted to see what your thoughts were. Todd thanks again, I to believe in a second chance. - Sabra

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    11. Sabra no thanks needed, your situation is heartbreaking. I work in law enforcement and I deal with broken homes, domestic violence and the children that it hurts. (Im not a juvenile officer,I could not do that job but I have to work side by side with them). I'll tell you what I tell those kids that I deal with. Regardless of what is going on with your mom and dad IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT and both of them still love you very much. Don't ever think that your parents are splitting because of you. It's between them and God and you should be praying for them that God helps them choose the right path. And if they do split don't think that your parents are gone windup alone and broken. If they trust in god he will provide for them. Like I stated before, pay no attention to Chelsy's statement for no second chances, she is WRONG and can not provide any biblical proof to back that up. If she truly believes that then she needs to do some rethinking, Chelsy's it's a good thing the lord has given you a few second chances. My mom and dad have been married for 31 years. Her first husband beat her and almost killed more then once, and finally booted him out the door. I've watched as Christian people belittled and told her that because she has been divorced she can never entry heaven. What little minds people must have to think in such ways. Search your heart Sabra, seek God and it will work out.

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    12. Rachael..sorry I missed your comment! Yes, its the ATI conference in Big Sandy that we were possibly going to speak at. Although I'm pretty sure we're not attending. Are y'all?

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    13. Sabra, I'm so sorry about your parent's situation. That is so tough; I will be praying for you! I'm sure its painful to go through that. I would just encourage you that when its time for you to get married be sure you marry a godly man, one who will stand by you no matter what, through thick and thin. If he loves Jesus and is sold out for HIM, than he will love and cherish you too. Don't settle for less. God still brings together beautiful marriages that can stand the test of time!

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    14. Chelsy is about the most humble person i have EVER met, she always is saying,'' Oh my sister is better at this'' And Im just sitting there Like '' What is this girl talking about , shes FABULOUS at this" Just confirming that she always admits that she doesnt have it all together And Iwas very very very shocked to see someone say otherwise. And that is why I admire chels because she is so humble and god loving! Thanx chels!!!!

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    15. Sorry , just stumbled along this post ..... AMEN!! Chels! Your last comment was spot on! ''GOD STILL BRINGS TOGETHER BEAUTIFUL MARRIAGESTHAT CAN STAN AGAINST TIME!!'' Just a piece of advice to young women out there,dont settle for anyguy, you should be equally yolked. If you marry a man who will who will stick with you no matter what then you will have a great marriage. You should ultimitly marry a christian man who is willing to go through tough times and good times sickness and in health, through rich and pour through, .....well you get it,......... STICK TO YOUR VOWS! And im sorry to anybody going through a divorce , or anybody who knows someone who is but, Im asking you to not make that mistake your self. ''Seek ye first the kingdom of GOD and his righteousness'' sekk god first then the rest will be added on to you, you wont have a good marriage if you dont seek god first. Every night I pray for my future husband and ask that god will help me make the right choice, and even that I dont know who I will mary some day, lord willing, that he make good choices and that he will be saved and follow god with all of his heart. There is a book I have recently been reading called PRAYING FOR YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND, It has been such a huge ecouragement to read! I would encourage Every young lady To read this book! You will love it.

      On another note: Sabra, if you see this ,
      The best thing you could do would be encourage your parents to read the bible together, and just pray w/them and for them! And thats what I would encourage to you , sorry about your parents...
      Blesings,
      alexis

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  12. You are SO right about contentment: if an unmarried lady can't learn to find joy in life before marriage, she won't be content as a wife either. It is up to us to learn to be content wherever we find ourselves in life, and be grateful for all the blessings God has showered upon us!
    Thank you for sharing your heart, hun! I'm so proud of you! It's a well written article, and I know it took a lot of guts for you to hit "post".
    I love how you are satisfied in the here and now, and I bless you in that!
    Love you!
    -Marissa

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    1. Yes, so true!
      thank-you so much for the encouragement, dearie! you inspire me!
      got your card today...so special. thank you.
      love you to the moon + back and miss you muchly!

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  13. Love this Chelsy!! I could never put my thoughts on this to words the way I wanted to, but you did a fantastic job summarizing my thoughts on this as well! haha,funny I to thought 18 was the magic age. ;) My older sister got married around 20,but was dating when she was 19,so 18 I thought is the year that you catch the young mans eye. :P Oh,the 13 year old mind. :) But seriously loved this post even though this is my thoughts as well its encouraging to read another like minded young womans thoughts plus a great reminder because this is definitely something that has been on my mind when my sister and very dear friend both started dating and more + more I find the young ladiess around me dating all the sudden. So thank you for the great reminder to be content and thankful along with encouraging me that I am not alone in the fact that I think marriage isn't when your life gets better or begins,but joy and contentment is all in Jesus! :)

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  14. p.s. I love the end quote my Leslie Ludy. I just spent 3 months in CO in her and her husbands discipleship training school and she is such a wonderful woman of God!

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    1. you're welcome..thankful it could be a blessing!
      What a BLESSING that you got to attend Ellerslie!! I have so many friends + relatives who have gone and everyone says it is life-changing!

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  15. This is a beautiful and amazingly wonderful post! You are truly wise beyond your years :)

    I also had my life planned out at the wise old age of 13....except I thought 21 would be the perfect age to get married....maybe 22 if I had to. I didn't get married until I was 25 - and God KNEW I needed those extra years!

    First, I love your critique of the world "single." I think it can often come across as being sad and lonely - which is more often far from the truth! I found that when I let my mind wander to dwell on being single in the romantic sense, I ended up feeling empty and alone. But when I considered my singleness in the context of being singularly focused on my relationship with Christ, my eyes were opened to the beautiful friends that surrounded me (and the realization that I was anything else but alone).

    Secondly, you hit the nail on the head as far as satisfaction. I've shared with many young ladies that it was only when I stopped coveting marriage and allowed God to fully satisfy my heart did the Lord bring my (now) husband into my life. I had to learn that TRUE satisfaction and fulfillment comes from one's relationship with Christ - not a spouse. Now married, I realize how much this is an asset to my relationship with my husband. Only when we are each focused on our individual relationships with the Lord is our marriage in true harmony!

    And your thoughts on contentment are just as important for those of us who are married - I've seen many a woman who are like the girl in your example...marriage doesn't solve all their problems, now they aren't pregnant fast enough, don't have as many children as they wanted to, don't live the lifestyle they thought their husband would provide, etc.

    Thanks for sharing!

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    1. I love your testimony of how Jesus worked in your life in bringing your husband only afar you found that satisfaction in Him! You are a beautiful example---would love to meet you someday! =)

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    2. Let me know if you are ever in MN!

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    3. We're coming in June (northern Minnesota) and September (southern MN)
      Exact locations + dates will be on our website by next week! Maybe I'll get to meet you!

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  16. Hey Chelsy!
    I just had to comment on this post. What you said, your thoughts when you were thirteen, is exactly what I thought too! It's crazy! But, you are right… although my want to get married is great, who knows but God, if I will get that? It's a thrill and mystery for this life. :)

    Thanks so much for the encouragement, I know so many girls really need to hear these kind of words! Thanks,
    Jazzy

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    1. you are so welcome-it is my prayer that this would encourage + challenge others!

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  17. Thank you so much for this post! I am 18 and loving life. I am very passionate about being "single + satisfied". Love your writing!
    ~Deborah

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    1. you are so welcome...thanks for commenting!

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  18. Love this post. I was not born ini a Christian home. I fell in love with Jesus at 18. Now I'm 23 and noticed that girls get desperate to get marry and I was raised in an environment that 23 and single is perfectly fine. So it doesn't bother me, but it does become annoying when other Christians make comment that I should be married by now. Geesh, I am enjoying life. We have to enjoy every season and stop feeling like a man or women will complete someone.

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  19. Great post! I agree that being content wherever we are in life is very important.

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  20. Thanks SO much for this...girls need this message!! I couldn't agree with you more on everything you wrote... I was the exact the same way; I still can't believe how wise I was at 13--so wise and mature that the only thing keeping me from getting married was my age!!! Haha, it's pretty funny now. But with every yr that's gone by since then, I've gotten progressively "less wise" or maybe just less conceited and more in touch with reality. I'm yet "only 20" as I tell girls when they go all guy crazy on me...and life is GOOD! If girls could stop trying to "help" guys notice them, if they could just revel in the beauty of NOW...of God's gift of today, which happens to be singleness--it's beautiful!! It also makes the guy-girl relationships in youth group so much easier, so much less stress and hype, when girls are happy and content with what they are right now, and not trying to change it! Ah, thank you for this...it makes me happy to see this message being spoken!!

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    1. yes yes yes...love what you said! thanks for sharing your thoughts!

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  21. Hi Chelsy!
    I just wanted you to know that I have been folowing your blog for a while now and although this is my first time commenting I wanted to tell you that your posts are always so encouraging!!
    This post came at such a good time! I have liked a certain man for the past four years now. Non stop. Four years. He is a good man, loves God, loves children, is kind, considerate etc. :) Everything a girl could dream of. :) He is in his early twenties and had never dated before. And for some reason I just always thought that when he did go out with someone it would be me. We had similar interests, likes etc. I prayed for him everyday. Anyway just this last month I found out that he had recently started dating someone else. I was (am;) devastated. I felt like I had been betrayed, rejected, and I felt lost and alone. This may not make sense because its not like we had been dating or anything. I had just built up such a picture, a future almost in my mind and I felt like my life was shattered. But God taught me a lesson through all this. The past couple years that I liked this man I think I wasted TOO much time "liking him" if that makes sense. A lot of the time that was all I thought of and dreamed of. I didn't live my single life to the fullest or always embrace my current vocation. And I think God knew that and needed to throw a cold bucket of water at me in order for me to realize it too! Now I'm not saying I stopped liking this man. I honestly cannot imagine liking anyone else. My stomach stills twistes in a knot when I think about it, and I just might give into a few tears now and then. ;) And who knows? Maybe someday it will still work out for us ;) I pray that he is happy and finds God's will for him. But for now I know I need to embrace my current life. Live it to the fullest with no regrets! Because I am exactly where God wants me. And I know He has a plan for me, and for you, and for everyone. And it will all happen in His perfect timing.
    I wanted to share this story not to get pity but to also encourage girls out there to embrace the single life. That doesn't mean you can't or won't ever like a guy but while you are not dating or married live, and I mean really LIVE, your life. I know you won't regret it.
    Anyway once again your blog is amazing and thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for this post. I hope you know what a wonderful thing it is to be able to encourage and uplift others. I'm sure God will reward you for it :)
    Love, a friend

    PS I just thought I'd share a quote with you that has been such an encouragement to me: "Don't cry over the past, it's gone. Don't stress over the future, it hasn't arrived. Live in the present and make it beautiful."

    PSS I loveeee your hair!

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    1. thank-you for sharing your story! I'm sure its not easy to share but I really appreciate you taking the time-my prayer is that other girls would read your commend and see the dangers in building up all of their hopes and dreams in a man that they aren't even in a relationship with.
      I love how you are allowing the Lord to use this difficult experience to change your perspective + heart + have new resolve for the future. Bless you as you seek HIS BEST!
      wonderful quote there at the end!

      thanks for your compliment on my hair...you're sweet. =)

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    2. Thanks for taking the time to read my comment and reply! I just realized how long it was! ;)

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    3. Anonymous,
      I just wanted to say how encouraging your comment was to me! Thank you for posting it!
      Love,
      A fellow reader and Sister in Christ

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    4. Anonymous,
      I am so glad it encouraged you! That was my hope: that others might benefit and be encouraged from my experience!
      God bless you!

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    5. Such an encouraging quote! Thanks for sharing!
      love,
      a friend out there some were in the big wide open world :) ;)

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  22. Thank you Chelsy for posting this much needed truth about radiant "singleness"!! In my late teens, I would never have thought that I'd still be single at 27 but I am so grateful for all the lessons I've learned in between and am still learning! I love the chapter of life that I'm living right now and I love that true happiness doesn't revolve on a "special someone" or any other circumstances in life but in Jesus alone! A very important lesson that I'm still learning is to live life with an open hand, a life that is surrendered to Gods direction. It's so easy to have a particular plan or ideal in mind of what my future should look like and when a turn of events happen, that is totally unexpected, I'm confused and disappointed! But, when I give up EVERYTHING to God and know that His way is totally perfect, life can be pure, restful bliss! So thankful for my patient, heavenly Father Who never gives up on me! Thanks again for sharing with us!!
    Esther

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    1. so true...thank-you for those words you shared! your life of joy inspires me, friend!

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  23. Hi Chelsy, I've followed your blog now for a little while and enjoy your posts. I love the way Jesus and his love radiates out of you. This post is really good! So very good! I'm 25 and not married and I enjoy my life immensely this way. My thinking is that "if I'm not happy and satisfied in Jesus and who I am now, I won't be happy and satisfied when I'm married". I have "single" girl friends who are older than me and they are my inspiration to be happy where I'm at and involve myself in ministry and other people's lives. Now is a great time for that... if I was married I wouldn't have the extra time and freedom that I have now to do things like that. Thanks for writing! -Ruth

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    1. great thoughts! thanks for your comment!

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  24. I loved this post, Chelsy! I so appreciated how you brought out the *fact* that every season has it's joys and challenges, and contentment is not based on our circumstances but on the inner rest in embracing that season. It's a much misunderstood truth that if joy and fulfillment cannot be found where you currently are, it will also not be found in where you wish you would be. Thanks for such a great and timely word!

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    1. Thanks so much for the encouragement, dear friend! You are another one of my role models who I looked up to so much back when you were "single + satisfied", and look up to today as well as you serve Jesus whole-heartedly as you love your husband + daughter! Thanks for YOUR example to me!

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  25. Oh Chelsy! This post was so wonderful! Although I'm not thinking about marriage anytime soon, since I'm only 15, I have realized that even though I do hope to get married someday, it may not be God's plan for me or it may not be his plan to have it happen as soon I want it to, and I need to be content with that! Thanks so much for writing this!

    In Christ,
    ~Hannah <3

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  26. I could scream AMEN from the rooftops!! True in every way! I'm the girl who imagined herself married straight out of high school. It's being nearly 3 years since then and I'm still "single" (though not alone :) ). Only in the last year have I learned the secret of being content and truly satisfied in Jesus during this season of life and it is the most fulfilling, joy-bringing thing I have ever experienced. He has assigned me tasks and opened doors of opportunity I would never have had the time to pursue had I been a married woman now. Like living and serving in Africa this summer... His timing in everything is perfect!

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart, Chelsy! This encouraged me.

    Hannah
    www.leftmyheartinafrica.wordpress.com

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing your story-that is wonderful to hear how the Lord used your openness to His perfect plan for YOU...to bring so much joy to your life, and I'm sure to the lives of those you served overseas!

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  27. thank-you thank-you THANK-YOU! Wow...so complete + real. With the Lords help I want to embrace this beautiful season of singleness + live a rich, productive, joyful life wholeheartedly for Jesus! I thank Jesus for this season of life + desire to engage in His service And to surrender my love life to Christ! When I let go + allow Jesus to fulfill my deepest desires I find complete peace and satisfaction! =) and when the right time comes in His perfect will and time --- Praise the Lord! Thanks again for sharing this hot topic issue . =)
    Priscilla

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    1. Aww..thank-you! You inspire me, girl...you're one of the best examples I know of radiant "singleness". =) Love you!

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    2. Aww...thank-you, dearie for your godly + set-apart example. =)

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  28. Wow. So impressed with this post. I agree 110% :) with all you said. I have been following your blog for several years, and this is my first time commenting. I am almost 20, and "single". I have gone through many of the struggles/thought processes you mentioned. I have come to realize that life is a journey...a process of steps/stages. For awhile I always was wishing for the current one to end as the next one was bound to be better and easier, but of course it wasn't. Joy in the journey is only found when I place my full trust in His plan for my life, and also to realize that I am where I am in life because that is exactly where God wants me to be, and there is a reason and a purpose for why I am where I am. I think it is great you had the courage to post this...And weren't afraid to share all your own experiences and thoughts. I appreciated your honesty, and the wisdom you shared -- THANK YOU!

    P.S. I recently attended your concert at Pinecraft Park in FL - very impressed and blessed by your family!

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    1. You are so welcome...thank you for sharing YOUR thoughts!
      So great that you were able to attend our concert in Pinecraft..you should have introduced yourself though! =)

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    2. I would have loved to! But I was with my family, and we had to leave early, before it was over:(

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    3. No problem; I understand! Maybe next time!

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  29. Beautiful post and wonderfully written! I too am 24, single and God is teaching me these exact same things! There is such a joy and happiness in being single if you really want it. I would only add that I also feel like it's a daily thing. It does get easier and easier, but we're still human...don't give it all up just because you wake up one morning and don't "feel" the joy and peace you had yesterday. You're a work in progress...God isn't going to give up on you, don't give up on Him!

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    1. I TOTALLY agree. Just because one day you manage to overcome the temptation of being discontent doesn't mean the devil gives up on those tactics... Thank you for your thoughts! :-)

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    2. Thank-you for commenting! (both of you =))

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  30. Great post, Chelsy! I sorta had that same confused marriage mentality when I was younger (except I adopted it probably about three years earlier than age 13......:P) that marriage was sorta the chief-end of women, but I definitely have had to get rid of that notion and realize that God can use you mightily when you're single. At sixteen, I have so many things I would like to do before marriage that I don't think I'd see it coming anytime within the next 5++ years, :) but even then I have to focus on serving the Lord first, and not just simply fulfilling goals and pursuing earthly dreams. Thanks for this reminder to be satisfied fully in Christ alone, not in marriage, accomplishments or anything else!

    Can't wait to see you in a couple days! <3
    -Bethany X.

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    1. Thanks dear for your comment! Can't wait to see y'all either!! =)

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    2. 1Ti 5:14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
      1Ti 5:15 For some are already turned aside after Satan.

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    3. My friend Bethany is sixteen and she is not "giving occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully" because she is unmarried at the age of sixteen.
      Can you please understand that just because God's plan for most is marriage + being fruitful + multiplying...that doesn't mean that every person who is older than sixteen and still unmarried is ungodly by not being married.

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    4. Chelsy, I'm sure you don't want me on your blog but this I'd like to commit on. Vaughn what happen to just living life and being free to live said life? Why does someone NEED to be married at sixteen or whatever to be godly? I have to agree with Chelsy on this and that's not easy for me to do ( she's disrespected me) but!! The bigger picture here! Is that it's wrong to give the impression to this little sixteen year old girl that she should be married at any age. Getting married too young can have its own set of problems and like chelsy said(marriage don't solve anything). We should encourage people to seek god and follow his guidance. No one should ever make a decision that big based upon what some other person told them . God gives us freedom to make up our own minds. We should seek his guidance/approval and not take man's word for what is acceptable. This is why I stress to people to have your own personal relationship with God. I'm not saying it's wrong to get or take advice from someone but, your last stop along the way should be seeking Gods guidance.
      -Todd

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    5. I don't mind at all if you comment on my blog and you are welcome to agree or disagree; just in the previous comment you left I felt like it was getting off-topic and that it was bordering on getting into the "hateful comment" territory. I am happy for people to agree or disagree but just ask that we can all do it in a civil manner.
      I totally agree with what you said here...we each need to be following the Lord and not others; we are accountable to Him and His Word through our personal relationship with Him.

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    6. I wasn't trying be hateful. I'm a sarcastic person and I enjoy that about myself haha!.... Now, what you did with my prayer request that was hateful. What I did, was stick up for what sounds like a little girl who you made a really bad statement too. I mean seriously Chelsy have you been so sheltered so hidden from the reality of life that you believe God would not give someone a second chance at marriage? This amazes me I still cannot believe that people today would believe that AND say it to someone. Okay okay look seriously, I've noticed in your writing you like to dance around certain question. but! Regardless of how much you may dislike me or hate me or whatever, answer me this 100 percent honest. Do you REALLY believe what you told that little kid?
      -Todd

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    7. I believe that marriage is for life, yes, I believe that with all of my heart. I believe it is what God clearly lays out in the Bible. So yes, I believe that when we say "I do", we need to mean it, because God intended marriage to be for life. It is His plan! Like I have said (over and over and over)I have no experience and I am very young. I just want to follow God shows me personally in His Word. So yes, even though it may seem crazy to you, there is still a little remnant of people today who believe that marriage is for life, and just "backing out and getting a divorce just because it doesn't work", isn't an option. (any other readers that agree with me on this? Please comment and say so..I know I'm not the only one who believes this way)
      What I did with your prayer request was not hateful. I prayed specifically for your request. (how is that hateful?) I'm sorry that it took so long for my brother to respond to your email, but with all the comments on my blog and the hundreds of emails I receive it just isn't possible for me to answer emails right away, because I run this blog on the side, while working several other part time jobs which have to be first priority. Someday I hope I can spend more time on the blog and be faster with answering emails, but for now its all I can do to keep up with posting every now and then and moderating comments. =)
      As you said earlier, the most important thing is our personal relationship with the Lord, and what He leads each of us to do personally. For me, He has led me to keep my communication with young men, to in-person conversations + blog discussions, and I have choosen not to email guys unless it is strictly for business. I know it seems strange + weird but that is what He has led me to do, and even if you disagree with it, it is still my personal standard + what I choose to stick to as long as He leads me to continue.

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    8. I was replying to the this:

      >>I have so many things I would like to do before marriage that I don't think I'd see it coming anytime within the next 5++ years,

      I would hope that your friend Bethany, and all of your other friends, would realize that for almost all of them there is nothing they can do which should delay their marriage, nothing that is more important than the things God has called them to do: namely marriage.

      Tit 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
      Tit 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

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    9. The point remains that my friend Bethany is satisfied with whether the Lord wants her to get married at 18, or 28. She is resting in the knowledge that He knows, and His ways are best. Marriage is only the highest calling if it is what GOD has called you to. When He brings it, than it is the highest calling if it is His will. But before than, the highest calling is whatever He has us doing!
      The Apostle Paul never got married, but I'd say his calling from the Lord was pretty high. He accomplished SO MUCH for the sake of the gospel. And he never married.

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    10. Chelsy,
      First of all she said more than that. She implied that there were lots of things that it would be better if she did before she married. I am pointing out that Scripture gives no such prioirty. Scripture calls upon the young women to marry, bear children, and keep the house>
      I am saying that it is a good thing when our young unmarried people are *dissatisfied* with their unmarried state, along with their friends, family, and church: and that all of these work actively to fix this 'not good' state (ala Genesis 2).
      There is no evidence Paul never married (and, given he was a pharisee that would have been very odd, indeed considered sinful). And it was Paul himself who said 'every man' should be married and 'every woman' should be married, making an exception only for the time of special distress and the special gift of being able to remain unmarried without burning.
      Paul had no wife with him in I Corinthians 7, but given that he speaks of several groups in that passage (widowers, virgins, divorcees, etc.) that is no evidence he never married. And it was Paul who wrote the passage you objected to, above, and that still seems to apply:
      1Ti 5:14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
      1Ti 5:15 For some are already turned aside after Satan.

      He literally begins 'I will the younger women marry...". Which parallels God's direct statement in Genesis, "It is not good for man to be alone."

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    11. "There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit". 1 Cor. 7:34
      Now, as I keep saying over and over, I believe marriage is wonderful, and God's plan for most! But the verse above confirms what I am saying, that you don't have to be married to serve the Lord. You can be a powerful force for the Kingdom of God as a "single" young person.
      We have more evidence that Paul never married than we have that he did. He spoke often of his "single" state.
      I'm not sure there is any point in continuing with this discussion, because you are firmly convinced that marriage is the only way to go, and I am firmly convinced that God can use everybody and anybody, in ANY stage of life, as long as they are following Him + His ways. So I am going to bow out of this discussion..if you want to continue it with my other blog readers you are welcome, but I know what I believe + am very strong in that so I am going to put my time + energy into new blog posts! Thanks for contributing.

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    12. >>I am firmly convinced that God can use everybody and anybody, in ANY stage of life, as long as they are following Him + His ways.


      As am I. Indeed I am convinced that God was perfectly capbale of using Adam in his 'stage of life'. Indeed he did use him, naming the animals. But God had stated that 'it was not good for man to be alone' and provided a wife for him.

      I'm sure that Paul recognized that God was perfectly capable of using the younger women in Timothy's church in their 'stage of life'. But he nonetheless said 'I will that the younger women marry'.

      I'm sure that Paul recognized that God was was perfectly capable of using the younger women in Titus's church in their 'stage of life'. But he nonetheless instructed the older women to teach them to love their husbands.

      I think it is clear that God was capable of blessing the Jews in David's say outside of marriage and children. But David, in the inspired Psalms, still spoke of God's blessings being a fruitful wife and a quiverful of children.

      And God was perfectly capable of giving all of the unmarried men and women in the Corinthian church the gift they needed to successfully remain unmarried. But he nonetheless said 'Let every man have his own wife, and every women her own husband'.

      We agree completely as to God's capabilities; where we are disagreeing is over his will. For the overwhelming majoirty of our unmarried people is is NOT God's will, as clearly expressed in His Scriptures, that they remain unmarried; but that He bless them with a spouse, children and all the maturity and responsibility that entails. It is NOT his will that they remain alone; nor is it His will that they be 'satisfied' with their 'not good' state.

      Instead, as with all not good states, He looks for them, their family, their friends, and their churches, to fix this not good state: to find and give wives to young men, and husbands to young women. By all means let our young women and men not be 'whiny' and sit and complain about their state. But at the same time, let them not forsake God's blessings through a false sense of satisfaction.

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    13. Yes, I will agree with you that marriage is for life. And I know that under no circumstances could this ever happened to you. However, let's talk about what you avoided "second chances" as in something went wrong! Husband or wife is abusive, or turns from God in some way and become something that you did not marry. My brother is a preacher who married a girl from Texas she then became whore. Does that mean he is now a preacher that is married to a whore? He's thought he married the right one, he thought he was following God's Word. But!!!! HE MADE A MISTAKE!!! Tell the whole world right now Chelsy. Does God's word say people like my brother doesn't have a second chance at finding true love? Or does he have to be married to his whore wife in order to make heaven? Do you think if your sisters one day gets married and for whatever reason he turns out to be abusive does she just have to live with it? And yes, your email hangup is definitely weird and prejudice against guys. I think you made that up. I can't see God ever tell someone not to talk to them just because they are male or female.
      -Todd

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    14. I already answered your question. (several times in fact) I feel like you keep asking the same thing over and over again. I'm not telling you what to believe, I only said what I believe. I'm not forcing my beliefs on you, and I totally bless you in following the Lord and whatever He shows you to do through His Word.
      And as I told you in a different thread...and told Vaughn in yet another thread...we someway seem to keep have drifting way off topic from my original post. So I'm going to discontinue my comments on this thread as well.
      Thanks for sharing.

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    15. Yes! Marriage is for life. Thanks for your strong stand on this, Chelsy!

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    16. Lol Chelsy, there are so many comments here I reckon most of your followers aren't reading them anymore! You already know you're not alone, but I'll add my comment anyways ;) Marriage is for life #fireproofquote haha :)

      Thanks for taking the time to respond to so many comments!

      Sending love from New Zealand :)

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    17. Chelsy, THANK you for recognizing that marriage is for life, and something to be taken seriously. The ONLY reason for separation that is approved by God is when the spouse commits adultery. (Mat 5:32) And even then, it's not a command. So many people take marriage lightly, like it's a "trial period" or a game, and not like the lifelong commitment it's intended to be. It's easy to try to interpret what we "think" God means, but strictly following the Bible without adding men's interpretations and wishful thinking will lead us in the right way. Thank you also for your humility in answering. (2 Tim 2:24-25) A soft answer turns away wrath. I think many will be encouraged by your soft answer. Thank you!

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  31. Wow, thank you for your thoughts. Actually, your situation is so remarkably similar to mine that I just about gasped when I read your post! (Although my "perfect" marriage age was SIXTEEN not 18....) A lot of the thoughts that you wrote really reflect exactly what I've concluded from searching and trying to get over my silly "pining" self. I have been following your blog for a long, long time now, and have been so encouraged by you and your example. To be honest, I unfortunately, have been the ridiculous pining person for a good bit of my life. It never occurred to me that I shouldn't really be making that my "master." However, several years ago it hit me- "DUH, this is a completely unique time in life where I can do anything. I can't travel overseas, I can spend my life serving others." While later in life, we can't exactly up and leave our husbands to go help with mission work abroad, right now I CAN. It's such a unique time in life when we're able to be complete servants to our Lord, without "caring for the things of the world- how she may please her husband." As for settling for something below the standards you originally set for marriage, I have one more thought to add to what you said- If you won't be just as happy or happier married, and better able to serve the Lord, why? I think that's helped me set my standards high- I have a FANTASTIC family, so it'll take a lot to make me happier and better able to serve the Lord! :-) On the flip side, I've not had a bunch of girls pining away come whining to me, begging me to magically make their situation better, so I believe I have a little more empathy for the flip side too. (Now you can stop reading if you'd rather not hear my flip-side thoughts) Granted, being in the "solo" state is difficult-especially when every single other young lady has married a godly man, and there aren't ANY young men at the church where you go, however, that shouldn't make one discontent and so unhappy that they aren't able to serve the Lord. Quite frankly, I still struggle with being content in my current state. BUT, I think staying busy serving the Lord is the key to being content. In fact, when I found myself not being content I picked up several stray jobs- photography, a wedding musician, babysitting, etc and it's far easier to be HAPPY when you're busy for the Lord.

    If you've actually read to the end of my rambling I applaud you. But, you really hit a spot that's dear to my heart. It's such an encouragement to see other young women trying to focus on being happily single than croaking over an imaginary husband. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the reminder to learn to be content and happy NOW, and always put the Lord first.

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    1. Thank-you for your comment! I loved the length. =) I am so excited how the Lord is using this post to stir up all sorts of discussion + thoughts from so many young people!
      Thanks too for your honesty. Even though I did write this post that doesn't mean that I never fail and struggle with contentment! We are all human, after all.
      And I totally agree-it is far easier to be happy when we are busy for the Lord. Amen, amen, AMEN!

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    2. "it's far easier to be happy when we are busy for the Lord" Totally agree y'all!

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    3. One other thing to add to my previous post, when people are content, and busy for the Lord without complaining, that really is quite unusual. (Sadly) It really does make people NOTICE when we're living without complaining. Phil 2:14 Do all things without murmurings and disputings: 15 That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, AMONG WHOME YE SHINE AS LIGHTS IN THE WORLD.

      Chelsy, thank you for being an example for all of us.

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  32. I can see the core of everything you are saying is contentment, and I wholeheartedly agree! Whether we are married or single we need to be content in whatever stage of life He has placed us in. We each have a race marked out before us, that God Himself has planned, and we need not compare our race to others, but instead be encouraging one another to our common goal, being molded into the image of Jesus Christ.
    You hit the nail on the head when you talked about only finding contentment in Jesus. I definitely did not understand this when I was younger and it pains me to see my sisters striving for the attention of a man as if that completes them somehow. Thank you for standing up boldly. You are truly an ambassador of Christ!

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  33. Hey Chels,
    I just wanted to say thank you so very much for writing and posting this. In the last three days I've now had three reminders that I need to completely surrender to Jesus, rest in Him, obey Him, and keep my eyes on Him alone! I know He is sufficient, I know He is faithful, I know He is completely trustworthy. And I know I need to put what I say I believe into practice! God is so good — and I know that if we are in His will, we can't miss what He has planned for us.
    Thank you again,
    Katelyn
    P.S. Could your family come up to North Idaho sometime with your music?! =) I'd love to hear ya'll!

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    1. So thankful Jesus was able to use this to bless you!
      Well, Idaho isn't really on the beaten path...=) Sadly we don't travel out west much because its just so far and we don't have many contacts out there. But maybe sometime!!

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  34. thank you so much for the encouragement, chels! i'm not even old enough to get married, but it's still a challenge to be satisfied and radiant as a single girl. it's so easy to think life won't begin until we are in a relationship, or to waste too much (FAR too much) time building air castles. i was wondering if you have advice for learning to be content in and joyful about (not just okay with) our single status, as well as advice on guy drama, getting over (and avoiding!!) crushes, and simply just attractions to those of the opposite sex? thanks for sharing!

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    1. you're welcome..thankful it encouraged you!

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  35. Very convicting Chelsy! Such a challenge-filled post. Now the only reason that I laughed in the first few paragraphs was because, when you were describing your plans you had at 13, you literally were describing me! I, for a while, have had it all 'planned out' (though for me it was 20 years + get married =)). Now, at 17 going on 18, I've come to the realization that, if God doesn't have marriage in store for me, at least for a little while, then that's okay! I've had a desire growing to live my life poured out for Him and doing purposeful things, and serve Him, and grow in Him while I am an unmarried young lady. I still am in school though (Lord willing I graduate in 2016), and I know that that is the place the Lord has me in for now. I know that your family has a ministry, but were there any other ways that you or your sister served or were there purpose-filled activities you did during your school years? What are some things you are doing/or did, or suggest for a young unmarried Christian lady to do, since you have graduated?
    Thank you for this post! It was such a blessing to read!
    Blessings,
    Morgan R. I Cor. 7:32, 34

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    1. Not sure how long you have been reading my blog, but I posted an article in 2013 that would maybe help to answer your question there at the end. You can find it here,
      http://daughterwithavision.blogspot.com/2013/10/homesinglenessproductivityq.html
      Thanks for commenting!

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    2. Thank you Chelsy! I will definitely have to read it!

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  36. Well said Chelsy! How I wish I could have had that kind of vision during my single years! I wasted five years of my youth pinning away for marriage. Once I got married, then I could really start living! And how much I missed! Once I let go of marriage, and let God have it, that is when my life suddenly became so full and rich! It was a precious year and a half that I spent learning the beautiful joys of singlehood! I just wish it had been seven and a half! I am so thankful that I had that time--before I got married. Which then resulted in me entering marriage rightly--without expecting my husband to fill me. And that has meant almost three years of a happy, blessed marriage!

    And yes, I know only too well the struggles that we as young girls face! I went through many an emotional battle! And wondered if I would ever get to a place of rest. But, God was faithful!

    So, press on dear sisters! It is far more worth it to have your heart at rest, than to pine away for marriage!

    (I could go on alot about this subject! It is dear to my heart, and I know some areas too well---to my regret!)

    ~HM

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  37. At the risk of going against the flow here: I disagree. I believe that the false willingness to be content in the what is, for the huge majority of people, the very, very not good state of being unmarried is destroying the church and our country. It is a huge false witness.
    There are times to be content, but it is not a good thing to be content when one is NOT where one has been called to be.

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    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I read the article you left the link to and I agree with much of what you said about "real men marrying". I didn't publish the link to your site simply because your article was pretty in-depth and also I didn't really feel it related to this post specifically. And due to my wide variety of readers (some very very young) I am very careful what I endorse + link to.
      I think you maybe misunderstood my meaning in my post. I actually wasn't talking to men at all- I was talking to women about being satisfied before (and after) God brings her husband. I have nothing against young marriages, in fact, I am all for them! I think young marriages are awesome. But only if that is how the Lord leads and works.
      I completely agree with you that there are issues with those men out there that have no desire for marriage, and are wasting their lives in aimless and worthless personal pursuits.But I know dozens of godly young men who greatly desire to be married and raise godly families for the glory of God, but it simply hasn't worked out for them yet. I think a lot of times it is easy to pass judgement on any man over the age of twenty who isn't married, when really, we don't know their story. We don't know how many times they have tried, and have been turned down, or the relationship hasn't worked out, or whatever.
      Thanks again for sharing. I appreciate your thoughts!

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    2. Our goal on out site is to contradict a lot of false teachings regarding marriage, the path to marriage, and the like; including many that you bring up here. We believe that our families, our churches, and our society are failing our young men and women in the path to marriage.

      I won't post the link (you can feel free to) but on that same site we have an article that directly contradicts what you seem to be teaching here entitled 'be not content' in which we directly challenge our young men and women, families, churches, etc. and their 'contentment' in the very bad state that we have now.

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    3. I'm not sure what you are referring to when you talk about the many false teachings that I bring up here? I haven't ever posted about singlehood before..? So I'm not really sure what you're referring to? I talk all the time about the blessing of children, which I believe you also believe in.
      I completely agree with you that our culture has a HUGE problem in this area of marriage. I'm hoping to do a post in the near future on why I believe so many young people are growing older and older and not getting married. There is a HUGE problem; my family travels all over the US and Canada and we see it everywhere. The vision for family and marriage is almost completely lost among the average Christian young person.
      But the point of this particular post (Single + Satisfied) wasn't to share my opinions or thoughts about marriage...it was to encourage young people to be satisfied wherever God has them. Because there are some fifteen yr old girls that are already pining away for marriage and they are simply too young to be married at that stage and they need to learn to be satisfied. There are some twenty-year old girls who have just had to break up a relationship and they need to learn to be satisfied during the healing process. There are twenty-five year old young men who have been turned down by multiple girls and are just trying to seek the Lord on who exactly He has for them. Every situation is different.

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    4. Chelsy, Thank you for your soft answer! (A soft answer turneth away wrath...) That in it's own way is an encouragement to all of us out here. If someone doesn't have a Scripture to support their statements, I'm not sure how much verity they have in their statements. You HAVE Scriptures to support you, so that makes your post all the more powerful. I think I (somewhat) understand what Vaughn is trying to say- never be content with yourself, always strive to be better than who you are today, BUT, I don't think you were arguing against that either... :-) Like I said, thank you for your kind words, even to those who oppose you.

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    5. Chelsy,
      I am referring to lots of things. I am working on two whole posts addressing several of the issues brought up above, specifically. I would much rather send it to you specifically before we go public with it, so let me know if you want to see it before we go public.
      (You can contact me with a comment on our site giving your email, and I will not publish it.)

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  38. Dear Chelsy,
    I just wanted to write to encourage you and thank you for being an example for other girls – and ladies – to follow. I thought I’d post a note in hopes it might encourage others as well… and because you invited us to comment. =)
    I’m writing from a different view point as I am now 48 years old. Boy does that seem old when I type it and see it in print! Why I feel only 30ish and am still praying for more children! ;-)
    You are wise to use your single years for the Lord! I did not get married until I was 34 years old. The Lord knew I needed to wait that long (I wasn’t as wise as you at your age. Sadly!) At 30 years old I probably appeared pretty successful from the world’s perspective. I had a wonderful job of high responsibility (and fairly high pay), I had a home, a nice car, etc. I wasn’t using as much of my time for the Lord as I should have been, probably because I was dwelling too much on the fact that I wasn’t married.
    I was actually engaged to a man at 31 years old who was a successful business-man and seemed to be a wonderful protector and provider. I had known him for 4 years before he asked me to marry him. There were red flags everywhere which I did not see for all those years! Others did see them, but I did not. I am so grateful that the Lord opened my eyes one day, to those red flags. I had to tell this person that he was not the right person for me to marry. He had anger issues, was controlling and had much bitterness toward his parents. I can’t imagine what would have become of my life had I married this person. Divorce may have happened, verbal abuse was likely and certainly he would not have helped me grow in the ways of the Lord. It feels so silly looking back on it, that I would have considered marrying this person.
    When I walked away from the engagement, I purposed to be content and wait on the Lord. I wondered if I might never be married. But a wonderful thing happened: as soon as I became content and started focusing on having a productive life on my own, the Lord brought me my husband! He is a God-fearing man, 4 years older than me. We were 34 years and 38 years old when we married. That’s probably pretty late for today’s standards. But it was just right for US. It was the Lord’s plan and I can assure you that waiting is much better than rushing in, if waiting is what you are called to do. The person you marry is one of the most important decisions you can ever make. It changes the course of the rest of your life on this earth, and in eternity! I thank the Lord every day for my God-fearing (and very handsome) husband – we’ve been married for 14 years now.
    Today, I tell my teenager (my oldest is 13 going on 20) to consider the character qualities he would like to see in a future spouse: Things like being slow to anger, loving the Lord, diligence as opposed to slothfulness, etc. I tell him that once he creates this list, he must then look in the mirror and see if HE possesses those same qualities. If any are lacking, then he needs to get busy working on those. And when the time comes, he will know if the Lord is leading him to the right person. And I pray that someday (if he should marry) that our daughter-in-law will thank us for it. Without a Godly husband, I would never have been blessed with such Godly children.
    I am so grateful for your faithful family and other families with similar values, because these are the families with which my children will be serving the Lord someday!
    Doing His Work,
    Sheri

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    1. I LOVED reading your story. Thank-you so much for sharing. What a beautiful example of God's faithfulness + blessing on following His leading!

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  39. Hi Chelsea,
    I got married at age 27, which was considered quite young by the secular culture in which I was raised. I always think it is unfortunate that young Christian women seem to panic if they are still unmarried at 25. There is so much more women can offer the world than just getting married and pushing out as many babies as is humanly possible. You are absolutely right - you can live a full and meaningful life as a single woman, with or without a man by 25...30...40 or beyond. Also I just wanted to add you should never apologise for being a feminist...it's not a dirty word! You are a gorgeous, funny, intelligent and interesting person and I look forward to following your posts in the future. I am quite sure the right man will come for you in His timing. God Bless :)

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    1. Aww, you are sweet! Thanks for sharing! I know too that God will definitely bring the right one in His time! His time is always best!
      While I believe that motherhood is a high calling and I believe in the mandate to "be fruitful and multiply", I also believe strongly that the Lord can use "single" young women to do great things for His kingdom!

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  40. {this comment is for the reader who asked me to post an answer to their comment but not post their whole comment}
    The question was "are you saying that young women shouldn't have boyfriends or entertain thoughts of having them?"
    It depends what you mean by "boyfriend". If you are talking about the man you are in a relationship with...well then, of course you should have a boyfriend, because how will you get to know your husband if you aren't in a relationship first? He is your "boyfriend" while you are in a relationship with him.
    But...if you are referring to "boyfriend" as a guy you like and wish was your boyfriend...well, I would definitely discourage that. =)
    Feel free to respond anonymously (if you'd rather not post your name) to clarify if I'm misunderstanding your question!

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    1. Scripture does not list 'boyfriend' as a valid relationship category. In Scripture we see young men and women relating either as 'sister and brother' or 'husband and wife' never as 'boy/girl friend' or 'courter/courtee'.
      So, no, they should neither have them, nor entertain thoughts about having them. What they should have is a husband :)

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    2. Well, there has to be some term to distinguish a young man, when we are in a relationship but before he becomes my husband. I'm not going to just lump him in with my other guy friends by calling him a "friend". So I would choose the term "boyfriend" just because it helps people understand.
      Each to their own. =)

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    3. I think I wasn't clear. I wasn't speaking of the 'term' 'boyfriend', but of the relationship itself. Scripture does not teach that you should be 'in a relationship' with a young man before he becomes your husband. No Scripture teaches such a thing, and no example demonstrates it.

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    4. Well, for me I would definitely have to be in a relationship with a man to get to know him well enough to know if God wanted us together.
      Are there any other readers out there who are agreeing with Vaugn? I am totally unfamiliar with this concept of no relationship before marriage, unless its an arranged marriage..and I am 100% against that concept for sure.

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    5. http://www.buzzfeed.com/annanorth/in-biblical-betrothal-couples-commit-to-marriage#.xgmbkNXO1

      I thought this was interesting. after reading Vaugn's comments, it made me think about Mary and Joseph and their betrothal. we are told in scripture that mary became pregnant before marriage and the Joseph had thoughts of "divorcing her quietly," i always wondered exactly what that looked like. and this seems to explain one idea. it looks a lot like courtship to me. not a bad thought. an although they are "betrothed" no one is forced to go through with it, you just have the added security of knowing that you are on the same page.

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  41. I partly agree and partly disagree on what you have said about this subject.

    Contentment, indeed, is key, not only in our relationship situation, but in every other area in our life, although I will point out it must not be confused as inactivity and/or laziness, meaning that we still have to continue to pursue growth in every way even though we're happy with where we are (I have seen in other comments this being mentioned). Apathy, lack of challenge, COMFORTABLENESS, etc. does not mean contentment. I don't know if I'm explaining myself.

    I also agree that marriage is not magically going to change a girl's problems, most of which have a personal origin. Should I add that a married couple will encounter trouble, as well? Yes, some which you wouldn't have found if you hadn't married - BUT I will say that when you're married, you're two against them instead of just one, and that encouragement is wonderful (understanding, of course, that the Lord is always there to help in both situations).

    I will also agree 100% that our complete and utter fulfillment will only be found in a deep knowledge and personal (and I mean PERSONAL) relationship with the Lord.

    However, even though I don't think it's the case with you, the way you've worded this message seems to take away the worthiness of pursuing marriage. Yes, if you're single you should wait on the Lord and be happy with your situation until He brings along the one for you, but still, marriage is a beautiful thing worth hoping and praying for, something so incredible that sometimes we don't give it the credit it deserves. Marriage is an earthly image of the union between our Lord and the Church, and this is... well, I can't express it with words! It's a state in which, if you live for Him and follow His ways, nothing can compare to it in beauty and perfection. ~ Like I said, I don't think this is your case - you said it yourself, but it sounded a bit like that while reading this article.

    Also, I think that the need that a person feels for a mate is perfectly natural, and not something sinful or wrong. The first biblical example that comes to mind is Adam and Eve! Why did the Lord create Eve? Because once He'd created Adam, He saw that it was not good for him to be alone, and NEEDED a companion, a help meet (Genesis 2:18-24). This need was not met by the animals - the Bible says that no help meet was found for Adam among them. Thus, God created Eve! We see in Gen. 1:27 that man is considered both of them, male and female. They had a mutual need for each other.

    When reading Songs of Solomon, we also find plenty of examples of longing for the mate when the two lovers are separated. As this book is also an image of the Lord and the Church, it brings me to the most pure and perfect example: our Lord Jesus and the Church. We see throughout the Word that the Church longs to be reunited with her Saviour, and that our Lord wants to be together with Her, too.

    In summary, from my point of view, marriage is a huge privilege to be considered prayerfully and in His will and timing. Waiting in the Lord is the best thing to do always, but without becoming comfortable, and using your time and gifts wisely. However, I don't think feeling the need for a mate is something to go against, but keep in mind that pining away is not an option!

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    1. {quoting myself here} "All this said. I am not downplaying marriage at all. If you are reading this with an open heart, than I think you will see + understand that. God instituted marriage from the very beginning + when the time is right and you know He has brought the right one, than go for it because then it will be His plan for you!"

      I really am sorry if anyone felt like I was slightly marriage in this article, because that was not the case at all. I might do another post in the future on the importance of marriage, who knows! But in this particular article I felt called to talk about being SATISFIED. Not about marriage vs singleness.
      Its not about which is better or more godly, it is all about just where exactly Jesus has each of us NOW, and learning to DELIGHT in His plan for us at our current moment in life! I completely agree that this does not mean becoming comfortable. Comfortable and satisfied are two completely different things.
      This is where I'm at: marriage is beautiful, and God's plan for most, but I don't believe it is what we should PURSUE as young women; I believe we should pursue Jesus, and as we do that, He brings together the details of our love lives in ways that only He is able to!
      I know you have a beautiful marriage + I am so thrilled for you, girl! Would love to see you again, and meet your husband sometime! Thanks for commenting!

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    2. Hm, I just checked out in the dictionary the exact definition of the verb "to pursue" and maybe I didn't use the right word... What I meant with it is that marriage is a place in our lives that is good to hope for, to want to be in, eventually, even if you're single. One may be satisfied in one's place as a "single" woman, and yet one can be hoping and praying to be married someday. I don't know if I'm explaining myself.

      You said the right word, too! Satisfied! I'm sorry if I sounded like I was discussing the subject as something vs something, which was better or more godly... Like you said, God has a plan for each of us and His timing for each of these places in our lives. :) In the rest, I agree with you.

      I really enjoy this kind of conversation in which we can share thoughts without getting hurt or angry!

      Chels, I think very often of the short time we spent together! I would love to see you and Alli and your family again too, some day! Maybe *one day* my Hubby and I will be able to take a trip overseas. Love you all much! Say hi to your Mum and Dad for me, please!

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    3. Yes, I understand what you're saying now and I agree...we can be satisfied in the Lord and still have a desire to be married. That desire was placed within us by God; it was part of how we were created. Its when we let that desire run our lives + determine our happiness that we get in trouble.
      I agree..I love discussions where people can disagree and challenge one another in a Christ-like way! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts...if every disagreement was gracious like yours this whole comment box would be even better! =) I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts and the kind manner you shared them in.
      Oh, I know...so many amazing memories from that time you came and visited! If you are ever in the USA again PLEASE do stop by! Miss you! I will pass on your hellos!

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  42. great post...i do have a few questions you might be able to help me out with...
    do you have any advice on how to become satisfied and radiant (not merely okay with) our singlehood?
    do you have any tips for getting over and avoiding crushes on guys? what do you think about attractions to guys? thanks...

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    1. Hmm...maybe this should be answered in another post. =)
      But in a nutshell....I would tell girls to keep their thoughts focused on Jesus Christ, and focus on young men as your brothers in Christ instead of having your focus on "liking" them. Also try to think of all young men as the same, instead of singling out certain ones that you like more than others. A great test is to ask yourself "would I speak to _____ the same way as I am speaking to ____?" (with the first blank being a guy you don't like at all and the second blank being someone you are attracted to. The problem isn't the attraction; its what you do with it afterwards. Are you choosing to dwell on it? Or do you try to replace those thoughts with other thoughts? A great idea is having a "prayer target"; purpose that whenever you have these thoughts, to pray for a specific prayer request. (NOT the guy...something else please =) Like a hurting friend, or a missionary family, or something like that)
      A great book I would recommend for more in-depth on this subject is Sarah Mally's "Before You Meet Prince Charming". You can purchase it on amazon, or CBD, or their website, www.tomorrowsforefathers.com

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    2. And per your first question (sorry, I missed that one!) I would recommend you check out this post (http://daughterwithavision.blogspot.com/2013/10/homesinglenessproductivityq.html) in which I talked about being productive and joyful in life. I might do another post talking more on the subject in the future, so be watching for that!

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    3. thank you! and yes, i would love to read a post on any or all of these subjects. God is definitely working in my heart in this area, and I want to follow Him.

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  43. Wow. You owned this, girl! Peach it. I'm proud of you for finally getting this posted. ;P Such a refreshing encouragement. This was UH-amazing ( and I'm not just biased :). I agree with all this 100%. So good. I hope I'm not one of your examples of "pining girls". I know I've talked to you about the future, but I hope I didn't come across that way. :) Anyway, thanks for posting this. I'm sure many young ladies were blessed by your honest words of wisdom! Love you forever.

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    1. No dearie..you are not one of my examples of pining girls. =) Love you much!

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  44. Hello Chelsy,

    I have followed your blog for the last several years now and have wanted to comment many times. I could not resist this time, I had to comment. I want to encourage you to keep being the example you are, to not grow weary in well doing. I have enjoyed tremendously watching as you and your siblings (your whole family that is) grow in your walk with our LORD. I know that your parents are very proud of you all, as the pictures on your family's site attest to. This year my beautiful wife and I will have been married for 26 years and she is indeed my best friend. The Lord has blessed us with two precious children, our son who is 14 and our daughter who is 11. We got a late start and only had the two which were an answer to prayer (a story for another time). I hear exactly what you are saying in your post. I have be in the ministry for twenty years, and I am constantly amazed by the number of women who come to my wife and I in tears over a bad decision in choosing a marriage partner. Here's the deal. If a person wants to have a successful marriage they must first learn to put Christ and others first in their life. The biggest struggle in any marriage is ultimately selfishness. I have even read in some of the comments about the desire to be happy, and if I make a bad choice then it should be okay for me to get out of that bad marriage so that I can be HAPPY. The problem is that if a person is not so called HAPPY before entering marriage, they will not be happy after entering marriage, which is in fact what you are saying. Marriage never takes away problems, it only adds to the problems you already have. If a person cannot learn to lean on our Savior and be content before marriage, then they will not do so afterward, hence they will struggle because their marriage partner is also a sinner and far from perfection. There is also nothing wrong with a person not getting married as well. The Apostle Paul tells us by inspiration of the Holy Spirit in 1 Corinthians 7:7 speaking of his singleness that "For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner (that is in singleness) and another in that (that is in marriage)." Cleary God's will for most of us is to marry, however for some of us His will is for us to stay unmarried and to be used of Him in that place of life. Most everyone will get married at some point in their lives. The question is will they wait patiently on God's timing and be content with where God has them for now and reap the blessing He has stored up for them, or will they leap in front of God as did Sara and Abraham and reap disappointments? Let me close with this to all the young people who read Chelsy's Blog. Listen to the ones (ie your parents and others in your family) who love you. They want your very best and your happiness. They will see thing that you do not. Trust that they have your best interest at heart.
    Keep up the good work Chelsy. Your doing a great job.
    James

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    1. So true...thank you for sharing these words of wisdom, and for your encouragement!

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  45. God bless you! This is so true and so well written. I had to share on facebook. I hope that is okay with you.

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    1. Oh yes-absolutely! Share wherever you like!

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  46. Wow; SO many points of view here that I can relate to! I remember feeling very much the same at 24. And I was in a relationship for part of that year, and following a break-up, I grieved it like a death. I don't ever remember thinking I would get married really young; doing some research I wondered how people could afford to get married before age 22!(when one would have enough education to be able to make a living). Also, I grew up with regular contact with single aunts and other single people in church, who lived out the 1 Corinthians 7 passage that was quoted. But that desire is there; it's part of our humanness.
    I got married at 28, and was 36 when my husband went to be with the Lord. I struggle with it all over again, though I have many things keeping me busy. But yes, having family photos done, and ALL my siblings are married, it can be painful. Again, I ask myself, do I want to be part of a couple again just because everyone else is? And the other sad realities I've seen. Over the years I've been to many beautiful Christian weddings, and some of those marriages have ended in divorce. One, of a couple who married around the same time as us; we lived that life together; the planning wedding-then being newlyweds.
    Yes; I've had attractions, and been very flattered when a man is attracted to me. I'm still learning to deal with it, and commit it to God. I admire the courtship model your friends use, though I'm not sure how that would work for me; 40-something, been married, and living on my own. I know the accountability is important, and I'm thankful for church family, and my own family to help there.(even if some live far away)
    Keep on sharing. I wish I'd had friends with your point of view when I was 24! But we do what we can to mentor others; in spite of differences in age and walk of life.

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    1. thank you for sharing your thoughts on this!!

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  47. Chelsy I just want to commend you for your gracious spirit in answering the various comments. I totally agree with your thoughts on singleness. I know for myself it is very easy to think that marriage will fix all my problems. This was a good reminder to keep my focus on Jesus to take my desires to be married to Him. Another book that has helped me live in the present and not pine for things I don't have is "Life Is For Living, Not For Waiting Around" by Anita Yoder. Not sure if Amazon has it or not. She has lots of very practical advice.

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement! I've heard of that book-sounds like a good one!

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  48. Hmm, it seems like a lot of people have fairly strong opinions on this subject; I enjoyed reading the comments! Here are the thoughts of a young man who wants to get married, but who is trying to learn contentment while waiting-
    First, getting married is NOT what we were created for. Ecclesiastes 12:13 tells us what our duty is this: ”Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.”

    Second, Godly marriage is a really, really, really good thing. After all, everything God created is "good." Just read the account of creation! Besides this, God said that it "wasn't good for Adam to be alone." (Genesis 2:18) Now, technically I'm not alone, because I live with my family. But I am a man like Adam, and I greatly desire to be married, but in my case it hasn’t worked out yet. And while I still desire to be married, I know the Lord has a plan in all things, and that even when I don’t understand, His timing is best.
    Now, before you accuse me of contradicting myself, I’m not. I totally agree with Chelsy that we should be satisfied before marriage, and I totally agree with Chelsy that marriage is a good thing. Here’s the word- balance. Not compromise- balance. The problem is, we are all sinners at heart, so we flip to one side or the other. Some people think marriage is the end all, some have no desire to get married. As I read the comments, I was really blessed to see that a lot of y’all have a Biblical view on this subject.
    But to set the record straight for anyone who doesn’t have the right view- the Bible doesn’t command young marriage, although I believe that it is a good idea. (“Rejoice with the wife of thy youth.”) Case-in-point- Isaac got married at forty! Read the Bible- getting married is a good thing, but not a commandment from God.
    In summary, I will say this- if you have NO desire to get married, you might want to check your blood pressure, and your heart condition! But if you are forty, single, and serving God where and how He wants you too; and if you have a desire to get married but God has never worked that out for you yet- you are in a much better state that someone who jumped the gun and got married young just for the sake of getting married young!
    Just get a fear of God and start serving Him, and He will take care of you.

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    1. Thanks, Bro! I love you! God's got an amazing woman out there for you! And in the meantime you INSPIRE me by how you're living your life sold out for Jesus, right where He has you! Love you!

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    2. >>the Bible doesn’t command young marriage,

      1Ti 5:14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
      1Ti 5:15 For some are already turned aside after Satan.

      >> Case-in-point- Isaac got married at forty!

      True. Altho hardly a didactic text without other Biblical support. And Isaac also lived until he was 180... thus he had 140 years with his wife. To do that nowadays....

      Given all of the commands, promises, blessings, and goals associated with marriage, I am counseling/teaching/helping my children marry young.

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    3. You are so right Mitchel! Ilove your biblical view on this!

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  49. Good point Mitchell! Like I told you before, soooooo many Christian people are twisted. I find it so hilarious anymore with the hangups people have. Anyways best of luck to you
    -Todd

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  50. Ok, Chels, For some reason I can't get this to reply up on the comment box that I wanted it to:) You don't have to publish this sentence though=)

    Yes, I was referring to the ATI conference, and no we are not attending:) I was just curious=) No problem:)

    And I had to smile at Mitchell's comment:) I enjoyed reading his view as well. I loved the blood pressure/heart condition statement:) And yes, BALANCE. Wow...hit it right on the head there! Sometimes people just go from one extreme without considering what is the TRUTH. God planted the desires for marriage in men and women, and it is perfectly natural...we all just need to learn to control it(or really, not to let it control us.) And if we delight in God, He will give us the desires of our hearts(Ps. 37:4) If we trust in the Lord, He will direct our paths(Prov. 3:5) And there are so many more verses that teach about Godly contentment, I could go on and on=) Sure, a young man and a young women's version of "waiting" will be different somewhat, but both of them need to be content "in whatsoever state I am" (Phil. 4:11)

    Thank you again for posting this-I am really blessed!

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  51. Thank-you so much for the wonderful truths you shared!! It truly is a beautiful thing when we can find our DELIGHT in the Lord in whatever circumstance in life. As you said, when my satisfaction is totally in Jesus, I'll be content in every area of life. It is so wonderful that we are not alone in this life, but that Jesus is always by our side. How rich we are as HIS daughters!!!
    Thank-you again for the post...my mom really enjoyed it as well! Look forward to seeing you in the summer!=)
    Love you, Joanna Loewen

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    1. You are so welcome...thanks for your comment!
      Missed seeing you when your family visited in December! Can't wait to see you in June + hear all about your time @ Ellerslie! (it just hit me that you probably met my friend Blythe who commented at the top of this post...she attended the fall semester too!)

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  52. Hi Chelsy,
    My upbringing was pretty secular, but somehow, since the teenage period, I was feeling ready to have a serious relationship and encouraged from my parents not to start a relationship unless I can see myself marrying that person (pretty unusual in the world I was living). The problem is that I was so focused on looking for that relationship and often saw the guys with "pink filters" over my eyes and overlooking the bad parts of someone's character. I still have the feeling that God had somehow gave me strength to see the problem and get out in time. It took me some time to realize that I firstly need to learn to live with myself and to be happy, to get used to the idea that it might not happen or that it could take a while before the marriage happens. And just then, when I realized how to live on my own, without having permanent crush that I pretty up in my head, the God sent me my husband. I was 22 (he was 21) and even though we were very serious from the first day, we took almost 5 years to start our life together. Those 5 years gave us time to get to know each other very well, to know how do we react when we are sad, happy, scared, angry, when we have to live at different continents for 5 months. I am not saying that this is what everybody should do, but you are choosing the person to spend your whole life with. Is it more important to get to know it well and be sure that it is the right one or to be married at certain age?
    And yes, I love your blog and admire your brightness and courage to open this discussion
    Lena

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    1. thanks for sharing your story! Its always amazing to hear how God works in people's lives!

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  53. Wow, Chelsy, you really got the discussions going here! It was really fun to read all these comments.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts.. and yes, you stepped on my toes.
    I agree with you 100%, and since you asked, I also agree 100% on your previous comment about divorce.
    (Your post made me want to stand up in my chair and say "AMEN, SISTER!! " But, that may or may not have gotten a little awkward, so I refrained.)
    Oh yes, I know what you mean about being thirteen and seeing eighteen as SO mature and old enough to be married.
    I was sure of being married by eighteen! I mean, come on.. my older sisters were so mature by eighteen, that, since I had their example to follow, and also their mistakes to learn from, I was going to be the godliest, and the most mature women on the planet by that age!! Ha. If I had known how hard growing up would be and how much I was going to learn by eighteen, I'm pretty sure I would have just given up in despair! (oh the drama of being thirteen.)
    It's been interesting as our family keeps having long discussions about almost everything that has come up in these comments.
    Somewhere along the way, I guess I've come to realize that God is the only one that loves me the way I would "dream" of being loved.
    Sometimes I just need hit with a 2x4, and HELLO, open your eyes.. it doesn't take much to see, and to be completely overwhelmed by God's amazing, never ending love, and what He has done for me! You'll never experience love deeper or more satisfying than the love of God! I mean, He IS love, how do you expect to find it more fulfilling elsewhere?!
    All the... "if only"... thoughts are just fantasies from the devil who, I believe, loves to see young ladies distracted and wishing for the man of her dreams, when, if they would only live life and learn the things God has for them RIGHT NOW, they would be so fulfilled!
    Like you said, I believe marriage is a good thing , and when it's God's timing and His will for a guy and girl to marry, it can be one of the most beautiful things in the world to see!!!
    But, when we are ONLY focused on getting married, we miss SO much of what God has for us RIGHT NOW! He doesn't make mistakes, so slow down and enjoy the blessings, and relationships that are right in front of you!
    It really does help that I have the GREATEST family in the WHOLE.WIDE.WORLD! =)
    Okay, sermon over. (yeah, I think I just preached to myself. It's easier to preach what you believe than live it out at times!)
    So, did I read correctly that you aren't coming to Big Sandy conference? = O
    Are you coming to the Film Festival this march?
    We missed having ya'll come through last month.
    Again, thanks for sharing truth and wisdom. I enjoy reading your blog! =)





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    1. Maggie, you're so sweet. Love your comment.
      I totally agree with you that it is the greatest thing in the world to have a big godly family who encourages us to do right...and then they're always right there to grow + learn with us! I can't imagine doing this stage of life w/o my siblings. =)
      Yes, we aren't coming to Big Sandy. But we are coming to the Film Fest; we're singing there! Are y'all going to be there? Does your brother have any films entered? I'm so excited for my whole family to get to be there this year. After hearing my raves about it from last year they're all pretty excited. =)
      And we missed seeing y'all last month too. =( But we are coming through Shawnee the end of March, so maybe we'll get to spend a bit of time with y'all then?!

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  54. Just a note from me to all of my readers...you're welcome to continue posting comments about this post (Single + Satisfied) but I'm not going to be posting any more comments unless they are directly related to the topic of my post. Some of the discussions have gotten way off on unrelated subjects and the intent of the comment box for this post was to discuss this post, not pick apart opinions + convictions on completely unrelated subjects. Thanks y'all for understanding!

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  55. Thanks for doing this post on "Single + Satisfied", Chelsy! It was very encouraging to read! Keeping our focus on Jesus (not marriage) is so important! Jesus is all we need!

    Blessing to you,
    Sarah F.

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  56. Chelsy, this was a good reminder for us all to find our satisfaction in the all-satisfying Creator God. I understand if you delayed posting it for more reasons than just business, too. ;) though your perspective has matured with years, (thank God we can each look back and gain such encouragement!) you still speak from only 24 years. After reading the comments, I gather that you still have confident expectations that you will marry someday. Where do you get that? Why assume you will marry just because most people marry? God may plan for you to be the small percentage that remain single and be one of those shining examples of radiant 30, 40, 50+ year old unmarried women serving God.
    I believe that a woman should hope and pray for the best man God has for her, in God's best time, serving him happily all her life, but not assume marriage. I speak from the perspective of one who is happily married, (at age 26--not very old) but has family and friends in the in unmarried older stages of life.
    Blessings to you.
    Brielle

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    1. I'm totally fine with whatever God has for me! I might be in that small percentage and if thats what He wants for me than I am happy in that!
      Thanks for your comment!

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  57. Great post, Chelsy! Loved it! Here's the perspective from my family. I am the oldest daughter, 22, and "single", my younger sister was married one month after turning nineteen and my other younger sister (18) has just entered a relationship with a young man (also 18). The point is this; My sisters and I are very different, but God has a plan for each of us! I am single & satisfied, life is a joy-filled adventure, and I can rest in the thought that God knows what He is doing! I have been asked by several people (well-meaning, and good-intentioned) "Are you jealous?" "Do you wish it was you?" "WHen are you going to get married like your sisters?" I usually just laugh, because they have no idea! I am happy for my sisters as they have followed GOd's plans, and I am happy (most of the time :) to live exactly where Jesus wants me to be! God has blessed me with so many opportunities to serve Him the past several years! I too, think your message is needed, much-needed, amongst us girls today. Whether married or unmarried ife is too short to pine away, dear girls. Get busy serving the King and serving others! That is where the joy and satisfaction comes in!
    Your family is such a blessing and you are one of my "role-models" as I seek to passionately serve Jesus! Thanks again!

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    1. I love your story!! Perfect example of what I am talking about-that God's timing is different for EVERYONE!! Thank-you for sharing!

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  58. Thank you for sharing your heart Chelsy. Your example has been very encouraging to me, and although you might not know me, I have "followed" your blog for a while, and really appreciated seeing your family at the Bible Bee. Your heart for The Lord is very evident. Would it be alright with you if I re shared this post on my blog? I feel like there are a lot of young women who need to read your thoughts. If not, that's completely fine, but I just wanted to ask.

    Thanks again so much for sharing, and being a godly example to so many young ladies. May God bless you and help you to continue to live your life for His glory.

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  59. Thanks for your comment!!
    Sure, you are welcome to share! Actually if you would just want to link to this post that would be best...that way people can come here and read the full thing.

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  60. Chelsy,

    I thoroughly agree with and applaud the heart behind this post. If I may be a bit nitpicky, I would perhaps challenge the use of the word "need." (I understand what you're saying with the word, but I think the definition is important here.)

    God created us as creatures who *need* things. In a sense, yes, we only need Him, but in another sense, we need many things, and He made us to need those things, so it does not diminish His all-sufficiency to acknowledge our need for things that He has given.

    We need air. We need water. We need food. We need shelter. And Adam needed Eve.

    And that principle remains for us all. As an engaged man, I've told my fiancée that I *need* her. Why? Because I do. I need her. Could I have lived my entire life without her and served God in fruitful singleness? Well, by God's grace, absolutely! But I need my girl because God made me to need her. He made her to help me. And to live my life without her would be to live my life as half a man. Salt with no pepper. Peanut butter with no jelly. :-)

    So while every single Christian should indeed be rejoicing and growing where God has planted them and not "pining" (great word choice!), I don't think that means that we don't *need* the husband or wife that God has made for us, but rather that we should trust Him to "supply all our needs according to His riches and glory in Christ Jesus" and "be content in whatever circumstances I am" in the meantime. :-)

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    1. Good thoughts! Thanks for sharing!
      I think everyone knew (hopefully!) when I said this:
      "all you need for happiness is Jesus" that I wasn't saying that there aren't other basic needs of life. I too believe that God created Adam to "need" Eve. But most important and above ALL ELSE is our need for Jesus. That is the point I meant to bring across. I wasn't aiming to put marriage down or anything like that. The point of the article was being satisfied in each season of life.

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    2. ...to which I heartily say "Amen!" :-)

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    3. I think my concern is more just that we don't want to make people think it is ungodly to *desire* marriage or to *need* a spouse (not that you're saying it is)- it's just ungodly to seek first the kingdom of marriage and its righteousness, which is your point here.

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  61. hey chels! thank you for the post it was very encouraging and just what i needed. i'm a 12 year old girl (13 in april) with big dreams just like you had at this age except for i dream of having the biggest family in the world and i just want to get married young. you are my role model. thank you for your good godly example in serving Christ.
    * sinner saved by grace*

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    1. Aw, bless your heart! Well, just keep in mind that I am very human + make lots of mistakes, all the time!
      Just remember to always give your dreams to God + He will bless that in ways far beyond what you can imagine!

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    2. so true! I love how you reflect peoples praise back to Christ. *sinner saved by grace*

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  62. Thank you for this article. Peace and contentment can ONLY be found in living close to the Lord and having a life that is pleasing to him. I got saved when I was 17 and went through two relationships which did not work out. God brought a wonderful man into my life. After much prayer and carefulness, (sometimes too much on my side) we began what we called a "quiet courtship." I was so afraid to make a commitment. I was afraid that I just wanted a guy-any guy! I was afraid it would not work out. But God was so merciful. He gave me the peace to say yes to us getting to know each other one on one. We got to know each other first as friends and spiritually. Then we began falling in love as we learned to trust one another with our hearts and God gave us more and more peace to go ahead in our relationship. Whatever the future holds for us is in God's hands. We wanted most of all for His will to be done-no matter what that meant for us. God is so faithful! He makes all things beautiful in His time. :) At age 23, He is leading me in paths that are so exciting and wonderful and yet peaceful to me. I feel a contentment and sureness about the Lord being in our relationship. And I love this guy:)
    Have patience and trust in the Lord, ya'll! It is so worth it:) ~Tash

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    1. Beautiful story...thankyou for sharing it!

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  63. how do you honor your parents (when it's hard)?

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    1. What a good question! To be honest I am just in the thick of learning this right now, even as a 24yr old. Its definitely a learning thing and alot more difficult to learn when you are older! But I'm working on it! Definitely I'm a work in progress and trying to figure out how it all balances out as a adult living still under my parents.

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  64. Love this post, Chelsy! This topic is something near and dear to my heart and I loved reading your thoughts.

    Satisfied singleness is something I've thought about many times recently in dealing with various situations in which acquaintances failed to wait on God's timing. In talking with my parents about these situations, something my dad stated really stood out to me, "There are worse things than not being married. One of them is being married to the wrong person."

    As singles, we must, must, must remember that our joy cannot be dependent on our circumstances. Our joy and contentment in life must stem from the Giver of Joy--Jesus. When we look to and trust Jesus, He gives us a joy and contentment that surpasses any earthly circumstances.

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    1. Thank-you so much for sharing you thoughts!!

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  65. Ah ha! At last I've scrolled to the bottom of the comments!

    Chelsy, I absolutely am so pumped about that post! Like you, I thought at twelve years of age that the whole nuptial union would come at the snap of a finger. I had fanciful dreams...

    I am now graciously removed from any handsome young men (no offense to the locals) and I AM LOVING IT! TOTALLY! As someone once put it, satisfaction in Christ in our singleness reflects the sufficiency of Christ, just as a godly marriage reflects His Triune character and unity in that.

    Someone recently commented on my singleness, blaming it on the young men (or more appropriately, lack of them). But no! I am single because this is where my Lover has placed me!

    Someday. If it is His gracious will. But I would so rather be single and satisfied in my King, than married rashly and forever regret it. Marriage=picture of the Church and Christ. So beautiful. So sacred. So exciting.

    Thank you so much for sharing! And no, I did not perceive any negative feelings towards marriage or guys. Just a girl on fire for Christ. Keep trusting and posting!

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    1. Thanks for your comment!
      One thing I would add though-its not about being removed from young men. Its actually wonderful to know lots of godly young men + have good interaction with them. But the point is that we can't look to a guy as a solution to our problems.
      I think that's what you are saying too-just wanted to clarify. =)
      Thanks again for commenting!

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    2. Ithink that you should just get to know ayoung man first. I also think that it is GREAT to have lots of male friends and that you should treat them like a brother. Just talk to them dont worry if they think you are " cute'' or if they are into you. Just get to know them like you would any body else. dont let a guy determine your self worth. there are SOOOOOO many girls out there who will do anything for a guy, and i dont think that that is correct. A lot of girls depend on guys to tell them that they are pretty or that they are worth something. But im telling you right now thatif you are one of the girls, JESUS loves you, he died on the cross for you . Have you ever heard the saying " A womans price is more than rubies''. that is so true!!! when ever i start thinking about a young man like that I just sit down and pray. pray that god would take my mind off of this person and that he would keep my heart pure.A man IS NOT going to solve your problems. I can promise you that. Yes , i think marage is a WONDERFULL thing, IF it is gods timeing. gods timeing will always be best. God only want what is best for you, it may not always seem to be that way ( that he wants the best for you) but he never promised that we would ALWAYS be happy. My mom always say that if your comfortable your not doing gods work, if you uncomfortable you are. never settle for something just because you think it is going to comfortable. I know Im only 13 and not everybody wants to listen to an 13 year old but trust me If that is gods plan ( for you to get married) then you will. But only if you do what he wants you to do.

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    3. This comment above is amazing! So true! #godstimeing #dontletguysdetermineyourworth #single&satified #thankschelsfordoingthispost
      P.S--- this was great to see that your only thirteen and you know how to live by gods word!

      **KEEP CALM AND BE SINGLE AND SATISFIED ON! <3 ** It needs to be on a t shirt!
      blessings to yall,
      Alexis

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  66. Thank you so much for following God's leading and having the courage to write this. I agree wholeheartedly with all that you said! So many people think I am crazy to not be 'chasing' after guys, they just don't understand what it means to wait for the Lord! I too have seen so much discontent when girls think that a guy will fulfill everything they need. That alone shows me it is worth it to wait! But yet I have also seen how beautiful it is when a guy and a girl are resting in the Lord, and He draws them to one another.

    So thank you for writing this. I don't sense any hate AT ALL towards guys on your part, you are just stating the obvious! :) Also thank you for being a good example of what it means to be busy while you wait!

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    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and I appreciate the encouragement!

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  67. I went and wrote a specific response, but then forgot to post it here, At least I can't find it :(

    http://truelovedoesntwait.com/the-path-to-marriage/young-marriage/unmarried-and-dissatisfied/

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  68. Omygoodness! thanks chelsy. that is just what i needed!:) Ilove your post. It is TOTALLY true! I have been praying about this! Every night i pray for my future husband, but i dont need to obsess over it! thanks you pulled me back into reality!! THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH

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  69. Elizabeth FlournoyMay 1, 2016 at 8:08 PM

    Wow, thanks for posting this, Chelsy!! So encouraging! It's so good to be reminded again that it's not a bad thing to be single...that marriage will not make everything perfect, and that we need to learn to be content and joyful in Christ!!
    I only just recently found your blog, so I started at one of your recent posts and have been reading backwards, and been finding lots of encouraging things on here!
    I love your heart for Jesus, and for encouraging others to trust in Him, and live for Him with their whole heart!

    God bless!

    ~Elizabeth

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  70. Chelsey, I am a married woman, the mother of six children, five of whom are married. While it is true that marriage will not solve all our problems (indeed, there is a sense in which problems multiply with marriage), it is what we were created for. We were created to be a helpmeet to a man, to be that like-opposite to help him accomplish the task that God has given him. It is natural that young women are desiring marriage. It is the way God made us. But instead of pining they should talk to their fathers and encourage them to find a husband for them. There is no greater blessing than walking in obedience. God made most of us to be married and married young. Christ uses the marriage metaphor to show us His relationship to us. We can't know the depth of that metaphor until we are married. There is a depth of our relationship to Christ which comes because of our marriage to our husband. I do pray that these young women who are desiring marriage will be greatly blessed by a husband and children. It is very few of us who are blessed with the gift of celibacy.
    Mrs Ohlman

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    1. I agree with you on one point, that in the vast majority of cases, God calls women to be married; to be wives, mothers, + to nurture their families.
      However, I disagree about so adamantly seeking out and pursing a husband with the purpose of marriage being such a big deal. The point of this post was not to argue whether marriage is good or not. The point was to encourage the pining, wasting-away multitude of the current typical "conservative girl" that there is more to life than waiting to live your life until you get married. We might believe that marriage is God's will for us as women, but we need to be okay and JOYFUL if God's timing of marriage isn't what we would maybe wish for or think was perfect for us.
      Women need to learn to choose JOY in whatever state of life they're in; to be happy + fulfilled without or with a husband. Happiness doesn't depend on a man; it depends on Jesus.
      Girls that haven't learned to be happy when they're single, won't be happy when they're married either. It is a fact. True joy is a choice and is not dependent on circumstances.

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  71. What are your thoughts on this bottom comment by SecondArrow/Mrs Ohlman, Chels?
    —Meg

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    1. I'm sorry; I just now realized that I never responded to that, after getting your comment. See above. =)

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